What if?
by MailJeevasisasexymofo
Summary: Mail Jeevas was the third smartest child at Wammy's, but what if he tried to be the smartest? What if he had a reason to study for the tests? What if he wanted to be L... Slight AU, but still in the Kira world.
1. I Don't Wanna Be L!

"L!" a child said once again.

"And what would _you _like to be when you grow up Near?" The teacher asked again. Of course, anyone could guess what he would say…

"L." He stated monotonously. You really should've seen that one coming. Everyone in this room is going to say the same thing; Even though their hopes should be shattered when Mello and Near say that-

"L! I will be L because there is nobody that could stop me!" Mello exclaimed with a glare towards Near. The redhead child that sat beside Mello snickered, but quickly regained himself as he felt a sharp jab in his side. Was it a pencil?

"What do you want to be when you grow up, Matt?"

"I want to play video games." He answered, his gaze not once faltering from the blonde jumping boy clad in orange stuck in the Gameboy he was currently playing. The teacher sighed, though she should've known better, there is no way to make a boy stop loving games and actually try to make something of his life.

"Loser…" Muttered the second smartest child in the school. Matt smirked, knowing full well that the blonde was only too happy to have less competition. As the bell rung, the redhead marched out of the classroom and down to his room. He threw his things on his bed and sighed, ruffling his hair. There were two beds, but only he stayed in the room. Sighing again, he jumped onto his bed and started playing his Gameboy. It was like this every night, merely playing his game into the late hours of the night.

He didn't sleep until five in the morning, and classes started at eight.

Matt woke up with a groan; whilst looking at the clock, realizing it was nine, then groaning once more. It was then that Matt realized what had awoken him in the first place, it wasn't an alarm clock, (which Matt had thought it should have been) but footsteps. Loud, tedious footsteps echoing down the hall, to _his _door. He scrambled out of bed and pulled on a pair of pants and a shirt merely seconds before his door was opened by none other than Roger. Roger put a hand on his shoulder and started to lead Matt out of his room.

"Matt, I see you're not attending classes today…" He hesitated to put a hand against Matt's forehead. "I see you're not running fever either. So, can you please explain why you decided to not attend class today?" Roger silently opened the door to his office and led the redhead inside. Matt kept his head down and scratched the back of his head.

"Well… ya see…" he drifted off and sighed. "I was _really _trying to beat this _super_ hard level of Naruto Clash Of Ninja Revolution two, where you have to use Rock Lee to defeat Gai Sensei and Gai Sensei is like, _really _strong and so it _kinda _took a while…"

"Is that so?" A voice questioned. It was different from Roger's. Matt jerked his head up, (cricking his neck in the process) and stared at this man with wide eyes. It wasn't just any random man.

It was L.

"U-um… _yeah…_" L smiled and motioned to a chair in front of Roger's desk. Matt hesitantly sat down.

"Wh-ehh… what exactly is, you know, going on?" Matt questioned.

"Matt," The detective started, "We know you're smart, and we also know that you're not using you're brains to the full potential. And being a student at Wammys, that is what you are here for." Matt sighed, and hung his head.

"Well what's the point in trying if you're only going to lose?"

"Is that your attitude you have when you play a level of Mario? And, my point, was that you _could _'win'." Matt looked the detective in the eyes and huffed.

"Games aren't the same. And besides, I'm not as smart as you think I am…"

"You finished Naruto ultimate ninja storm two in _three hours_." The redhead laughed softly.

"How do you even know that?" L smirked whilst walking to the door, and gently pulling it open.

"Just try your hardest on the next test, and see if you like it, and, you know, there _is _a new treatment for down-syndrome…" Matt stood up, leaving without a word.

.

.

.

"What do you think, James? Do you think I should try to become L?" Matt questioned while stroking James' hair. He didn't expect an answer from his older brother, but it _was_ nice to just have someone there, if only to listen.

"W-walk…" James mumbled.

"Walk? No, I'm sorry… they won't let me take you out of this place… I wish I could…" Matt cuddled up to his brother and rubbed his hair. Sighing, he glared at the wall behind his brother's head. This place, he hated it. Though he didn't have a choice, the _government _had decided that this hellhole was the best place his seventeen-year-old brother to stay. This-this _institution _for people with mental problems.

"_The best place for catering to their every needs and caring for them as their own parents would!" _The website had said.

_A load of shit. _He thought. Yes, Matt would get James out of this _place_. He would be able to get him away; he only had to endure seeing his stick-skinny and shaking-like-a-leaf brother for five more years and then-

"Excuse me?" A man opened the door, smiling a huge, fake grin. "Your visiting time is up." Matt slowly crawled out of the bed/cot given to James, careful to not wake him up.

That was another thing; they gave you thirty minutes every week to see the "patient".

Sighing, the redhead started to walk out of the door, but a hand reached out and grabbed his arm.

"I've noticed that you've come here every week without fail every since patient ninety-four has been here," Matt clenched his teeth, "Do you enjoy seeing patient ninety-four?"

_What the hell kind of question is that?_

"Yes."

"Well, I _could _get you more time with him." The doctor started rubbing his hand up Matt's arm, reaching the collar of his striped shirt.

_Once a week… _he could see his only living family more often… but would he really do what this man was insinuating?

'No." He turn away from the man's fingers and ran down the hallway and outside to the sidewalk.

_Of all the places for there to be pedophiles…_

Matt was out of breath by the time he reached the silver gates of Wammys, with his hands on his knees he had a new idea.

"_There _is _a new treatment for Down-Syndrome…" _Of course. L was insinuating that the detective L gets millions of dollars for each case he solves, and he solves about one case a week, sometimes more… since L is rich, there would be plenty of money to pay for _any_ kind of treatment for James, and once James is okay, he can get himself out of that institution and buy an apartment or house…

Oh yes, Matt was going to be L. And make a happy life for his brother. But for now, there was one setback:

Mello was going to kick his ass when he left him in the dust.

.

.

.

Matt had a new resolve; he was going to do well on his tests now. He was currently at eighth place on the "smartboard" above him being:

7: Linda

6: Keith

5: Cadance

4: Peter

3: Dax

2: Mello

1: Near

Matt could see it; he could see _his_ name under number one, and then everything else would fall into his hands, the money, the treatment, and his brother being happy and healthy.

Though he could also see Mello pounding his face into a pulp, the blonde bastard.

But, that's the price he's willing to pay.

Matt did as he usually did, play his video games 'till he decided he should get some sleep. The next morning he actually _did _wake up early enough to take a shower and go to classes.

"Alright class, today you will be taking a test, as I said yesterday."

"A test?!" Matt exclaimed. Well, there goes his plan of being number one. The test was probably on things the class had learned yesterday.

"Yes you idiot." The blonde beside him smirked. Of course that blonde _bastard _hadn't missed yesterday. Or probably any day before that. Ever. Matt sighed as the packet was passed to him, and then sighed again, this time from relief. It was all things they had learned the day before yesterday. Matt, for the first time in his life, tried on the test.

And later that night, also for the first time in his life, was pacing around his room waiting for the results on the test to be put upon the smartboard. He looked at the clock, usually right about now he would be on his bed, playing his video games with those nice orange goggles over his face, not having a care in the world other than to see which Mario character was going to get his ass kicked on Super Smashed bros.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by commotion in the halls; it was like this every Friday. There would be a test, the results would be put on the smartboard, and screaming ensues to see if it would be Mello or Near in the number one slot.

Matt ran out of the halls-for the first time in his life- and raced to see the numbers. He was panting with his hands on his knees-because this was also only like the second time he's ever ran in his life-waiting for the crowds to clear.

"Hey Matt!" Linda waved as she stalked over to him. "Good job!" She patted him on the back.

_Well that's good. I passed _someone. _I just need to find out how many… _Matt pushed past the other kids around the smartboard and his eyes widened.

He was fourth. _Fourth. _Mail Jeevas passed _three people._ Of course, this had next to nothing of an affect on the overall score, but he didn't even study on that test and made himself the fourth best of this entire orphanage out of one hundred and thirty six kids. _How?_

Matt's happiness was short-lived.

"Hey, Ginger." Someone called from behind him. Matt turned around only to be met with two tall fifteen-year-olds.

Keith and Peter.

The two guys he passed.

The bad thing about this situation was that Keith and Peter are athletes, and Matt is a video game playing, Lazy, Couch potato, nerdy, string bean. Matt had a fleeting thought of why James was so skinny before a hand connected to his shirt and pulled him up, his feet about a foot off of the ground. The redheads face turned a color that could match his hair when he noticed that everybody around them had stopped looking at the smartboard, and was instead looking at them.

Whilst his shirt was riding up above his bellybutton a few inches, the distance growing the more Keith shook him.

"You think you're so damn smart huh? You little nerd." Matt sighed and looked down, it wasn't the first time he had been called a nerd. It was just the first time it had been _true._

Today's just a day of firsts is it not?

"Answer me queer!" The redhead met Keith's gaze. Was he _really_ expected to answer that question?

"You forget you used to have sixth; and if it upsets you that I passed your spot, then you use it in a derogatory way, yet you want that spot. Makes no sense, no?" The boy smirked at him, and then punched him straight in the face. Matt fell from the boy's grip and onto the tile floor beneath him. Everyone in the room gasped. The redhead lifted himself from the ground and looked over at the two boys.

That's pretty pathetic, you're two years my senior and you're going to punch me over something so petty? You didn't deserve the spot anyways." He spat. The boy leaned down to hit Matt again before a small, pale hand grabbed the boy's collar and pulled him away from Matt. There was a flash of blonde and black as Keith fell to the ground on his bottom.

"You shouldn't screw with people just because you're a dumb shit."

Oh _great. _That blonde _bastard_ is here. The two boys didn't try to fight, the just ran down the hall and back to their rooms. But, couldn't blame 'em. Mello was a _scary _bastard when he wanted to be. And despite his feminine looks, and scrawny body, that _bastard _could pack a punch. Or a kick. Or and elbow.

Basically, you just didn't want to fuck with Mello.

"You okay?" There was a hand in Matt's face. He eagerly accepted it, and stood up to his feet. The blonde smiled and picked up something orange off the ground…

…Oh shit.

"M-my goggles…" Mello laughed.

"They looked stupid anyways. You should be glad that Neanderthal cracked them off your face. You look better without them." Matt figured that was about as close to a compliment he was going to get, but still. Those were _his _glasses. He had gotten them when his grandfather took him and his brother on a plane ride, just before the last _good _member of his family died, except his brother of course.'

"Hey, so you got to fourth place I see." Mello said while grabbing Matt's arm and pulling him down a hallway.

"Y-yeah, but I don't know if I want to try on anymore tests if _that's _going to happen every time!" He laughed. Matt was going to try to avoid every confrontation about him getting good grades, especially when him and Mello are alone.

Like right now.

"Try? You weren't trying before?" Mello questioned.

Wrong thing to say. Stupid Matt.

"W-well-"

"I'd like to see you try to beat me." Mello stated and opened a door. Matt looked inside, it was his room. "Goodbye Matt." He called running down the hall.

.

.

.

The next few days were spent with Matt trying on his homework, and trying on quizzes-not studying though, dear god no- eager for the next Friday to come, to see if his name was any higher.

Hopefully not any higher than Mello's though.

Yet.

Matt had really gotten into the rhythm of trying, but on Thursday, something different happened…

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.

.

Matt spun around in his chair, having just finished his homework, and thinking about seeing his brother, which he was allowed to see in-he looked at his watch- thirty minutes. Wammy's had allowed Matt to see his brother every week (as the institution had let) since the place was only about a ten-minute walk from Wammy's, yet he had to see him at certain times, either 10:00am or 5:00pm. Today he had chosen the latter, since last time he had chosen the former, and Matt was pretty OCD about those kinds of things. But a soft knock at his door took him-very dizzily-out of his thoughts. He stumbled to his door and greeted the Brunette tresses at the door.

"Hey Linda! What's up?" Linda smiled at him and handed him a card.

"Well, I kinda noticed that you've actually been trying lately and I thought I would give you a card!" Matt laughed and thanked her, but just as he was about to close the door, a very distressed looking Roger came running down the hallway.

"Matt! Matt you have got to come now!" Without warning Roger gripped Matt's arm roughly dragging him down the hallway and out of Wammy's. His eyes widened at the scene before him.

Red and blue blinking lights.

Just across the street.


	2. Let There Be Third!

A/N: Happy birthday to me! It's the big one-four! I am also aware that Halle actually worked for the American FBI, yet I have her in England… let's just pretend that she got moved from England to America? Also, I tried looking up if smoking can get rid of shaking, but I couldn't find anything… so I just pretended it did…

.

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Matt ripped his arm from Roger's grasp and ran towards the lights.

"What's going on?!" He exclaimed, shoving past bystanders. The crowd was contained behind a yellow line of police tape, but Matt ducked under it and towards a gurney where an all-too-familiar tuft of red hair sprouted from beneath the blanket. He darted towards the gurney, ignoring the protests of the policemen, and touched his brother's hair.

"M-Mail…" Matt gently shushed him and smiled sadly.

_What did they do to you?_ A hand grabbed his free arm roughly

"Sir, you cannot pass the police line, I'm going to have to ask yo-"

"This is my brother; get off me!" He exclaimed. James' bush of hair was suddenly pulled away from his grasp. Matt flailed in the man's grasp and no doubt was drawing the attention of all the bystanders; but he didn't care. Still swinging his arms around frantically, he managed to get out of the policeman's rough hold and ran to the ambulance where his brother was currently being pulled into on the gurney. One woman in a police uniform glared at him.

"Please let me see my brother!" He pleaded. Matt gave the woman a look of pure distraught and depression, to which she cracked immediately. Matt knew that he had a power over women (and sometimes men) to make them think he was a poor little needy child, to some extent though, it was true. But, Matt didn't like to think about that.

"Yes, come this way, child." Matt winced at being called that, he would like to think he was an adult… he had thought of himself as an adult since he was nine, since he had to take care of his brother. The woman led him into the back of the ambulance where his brother was unconscious.

"M-Mail…" His brother moaned. One of the doctors chastised him to not talk, but motioned to Matt to go to his brother.

Matt did not need to be told twice.

"Make it quick and make it count, kid." He whispered. Matt put one hand in his brother's hair and the other hand entwined with James'. James smiled up at him and coughed up something red… blood.

What the hell happened?

Water started to fall freely from Matt's eyes as he felt James squeeze his hand gently. Then suddenly his hand was on Matt's face, tracing a line through the tears down to his collarbone. He moved to pick his spotless orange goggles from his own neck, and placed it in Matt's hand, squeezing slightly to encase Matt's fingers around the object. James smiled sadly again and Matt had a sudden remembrance of his brother grinning at him in the airplane. It was a brief glimpse of their past life, but it was enough to cause a whimper to sound from his throat. He leaned forward to lay his hand on James' chest; it was wet, maybe from the tears.

"I love you, Mail." His brother gave his hand one last squeeze, before closing his eyes. Matt leaned in and hugged him for a few seconds before pulling away. He pulled his hand back, shaking, and finally took a look at it. His hand was covered in blood. Looking back over at his brother, he noticed the blood stained blanket, which was growing redder by the second. The paramedics around him weren't doing anything!

"What are you all standing around for?!" He exclaimed, standing up.

"Look, with his injuries, it was obvious he was going to die." One of the male medics said.

"What do you mean?! What were his injuries?!" He yelled. The woman from before sighed and gently touched his shoulder, pushing him out of the door of the ambulance and to the street outside. When had they even gotten to the hospital?

"I'm so sorry, child…" She muttered, leading him into the building, with the gurney a little ways in front of them. Matt put his head in his hands and sat in a chair the woman led him into.

"My name is Halle Bullook, if you need anything, just tell the kind lady at the front desk. I'll let you know when you can talk to a doctor okay?" The only response she got was the redhead putting his knees up onto the chair, putting his face between them. He was painfully aware of the people staring at him in the waiting room, but didn't care. He just sat there with tears steadily falling out. It was a few minutes before the woman "Halle" came back.

"You can come now." She said quietly, avoiding the stares. Matt got up silently and followed Halle to an elevator, watched her press the fifth floor button, listened to her talk to a doctor about patient ninety-four, and left his gaze on the floor as she stood to the side, waiting for Matt to say something.

"What are his injuries?" He mumbled.

"I beg your pardon?" The doctor asked leaning towards Matt a bit. He looked up at the doctor, getting a good look at him for the first time. The man must've been at least fifty, with a nearly bald head-yet a small comb over of the little bit that was left- and half an inch thick glasses. He was wearing the normal attire of a doctor, but with a long, white tail coat looking part at the end.

"What are my brother's injuries?" Matt knew his voice would crack at the end, it was inevitable, but he needed to _know_.

"Well," the man hesitated, flipping through papers on his clipboard, "I'm assuming that patient number ninety-four is your brother…" Matt held back a hiss and glowered at the man. Halle breathed out heavily, worriedly looking between the young redhead and the doctor.

"Well, first of all, he had chloroform in his system; he also had three stab wounds-"

_Blood stained blanket…_

"Seventeen of his ribs were crushed-"

_Coughed up something red…_

"His left kneecap: shattered, his right ankle: twisted-"

_How did I not notice this?_

"And we found bruises in-"

"That's enough." Halle put her hand on Matt's shoulder, and glared at the doctor.

"Well he asked-"

"He's a child." She stated. "He does not need to know any more. Come with me." Halle turned the crying Matt around and back towards the elevator. When had he started crying again?

When had he stopped?

Matt wiped furiously at the tears as she pressed the first floor button.

"Do you have parents?" She questioned. Matt let out a sob, and willed himself to stop crying.

Needless to say, it was futile.

"I'm sorry," she said with a sigh, "which orphanage do you go to?"

"W-Wammy's…" Matt sobbed.

"I need you to stay in the waiting room… I'll get someone to come pick you up…" Halle bent down and engulfed the boy in a much needed hug. After a few seconds, she let go and stalked down the hallway to find a phone. Turning back into the waiting room, many of the same faces were there as earlier. Sitting back in his seat from before, Matt knew he only served as those peoples' worst nightmare; what could happen to _their _loved ones. He was curled up in the chair with his knees to his chest just as before, when someone gently laid their hand on his shoulder. Looking up with his tear stained face, Roger came into view. He had a look of sadness and pity on his face at the sight of the young boy, but Matt didn't need pity.

He wasn't crying anymore.

He was going to find whoever did this. He was going to give them what they deserved.

.

.

.

He woke up that morning to a dry pillow.

He wore his normal attire; a white and black striped shirt with blue jeans, and his brother's goggles. Matt hadn't studied for any test he may have, he only replayed the events of the night before over and over again in his head. Specifically his brother's injuries or anyone suspicious he had seen around. Of course, if the criminal had any sort of intelligence, he would have gotten away from the scene long before an ambulance arrived. This thinking was futile, though. Matt did not have any access to computers, so he could not confirm any hypothesis he may have. A gentle knock on the door brought him out of his musings.

"Come in." Roger came into view, smiling softly at him.

"You do not have to attend classes today, Matt." He said. Matt shook his head and sighed.

"I will go to classes… I must get high grades if I am ever to feel as if I have not failed him _completely_…" Even without looking at Roger, Matt knew he still had that look of pity etched on his face.

"Alright, Matt."

.

.

.

Matt knew he aced the test in Science that day with flying colors. It was on the Periodic Table of Elements. Who in this school wouldn't pass that?

.

.

.

Then, there he was, once again, pacing around his room wondering what number he would be at that week. His hands were shaking, and he felt a crave for something; he just didn't know what…

Then he heard it again; the pitter-patter of feet across the hallway. Matt could picture a certain blonde haired _bastard _leading them… Matt raced out of his room to see the weekly scores, but, as always, there was a huge crowd around the smartboard. He sighed, leaning against a wall in the far corner, waiting for the kids to move, when a cloud moved in front of him.

"Hello, Matt." It said. Matt shook his head to clear his thoughts and looked back down, it was actually Near.

"Hey Near, first again?" He questioned, smirking. Near shrugged.

"I do not know for sure, but there is at least an eighty-seven percent chance I am." Matt could have sworn there was a trace of a smirk on Near's face.

"Damnit!" Someone yelled from the board.

"Take that to one-hundred little guy." Matt laughed. Near looked visibly uncomfortable with the name, but smug nonetheless.

"You should be proud of your accomplishments Matt, it is unfortunate that I did not expect this kind of behavior from you…my first miscalculation." The redhead laughed.

_Well I'm going to taking your spot soon, so you better be ready, Near._

"Well, what can I say? My eyes have been opened."

_James…_

"Hey!" Matt didn't have chance to respond to the person as his arm was gripped roughly, and pulled out of the room into one of the many hallways.

"Matt." The person stopped and stared at him.

That blonde _bastard._

"Couldn't you tell I was in a _conversation?_" _You blonde bastard._

Mello rolled his eyes and shoved him into a door, which happened to be open partially, which caused it to fall all the way open, which caused Matt to fall into the room's floor. Matt glared at the blonde as he stood up and pulled his goggle over his eyes. Mello walked past him and to the large pantry.

"They should know by now to lock the kitchen,"

_They really should._

"But I guess they think that I am only going to pick the lock. I mean, let's face it, even the _kitchen women _know that I'm just fucking amazing." Matt winced at the language and pompousness, but stayed quiet. He didn't need to have a slip-up of information like last time…

_Why does Mello keep talking to me?_

A loud crack broke Matt away from his thoughts.

"So, _Matt, _are you trying _now?_" Matt gulped; this is _exactly _why he shouldn't talk to Mello.

"U-um…" He stuttered. Mello smirked to himself and stalked over to Matt, pushing his blonde hair out of his face, and then putting that same hand on Matt's face.

"I _dare _you to try and beat me, little guy." Matt sucked in a breath. Even though Mello was the same age as him-just a few months older, though- and Matt _was_ a few inches taller, Mello still made it seem as if he was a child, and Mello was the adult. The blonde backed away suddenly and smirked again, biting off another piece of chocolate.

"Don't like to talk much?" Mello teased. Matt looked at the floor and noticed he was trembling again.

"Nicotine." Mello stated.

"Wh-what?"

"You need some nicotine." The blonde fumbled around in his jean pocket until he found a packet of something. Cigarettes. 'Course.

Mello took one out of the package and lit it before handing it to Matt. He looked down at the thing with disgust.

"Haven't you been to health class? There's like, dog poop and cat pee and this stuff kills more people than sharks, Mello." _Are you trying to kill me, you bastard?_ Mello laughed.

"Do you _honestly _believe that? Would you rather have the shakes, and be a gullible little _bitch _like they want you to be? Or be able to stand without looking like a leaf and _maybe _getting lung cancer when you're like sixty?" The blonde grabbed the cigarette from Matt's hand and shoved it into the redhead's mouth.

"Who are _they_?" Matt mumbled between the cigarette.

"The illuminati." Matt raised one eyebrow.

"Just kidding! Now will you please breathe in that cigarette?" Matt sighed and did as he was told, immediately coughing a lung out. Mello laughed.

"You bast-" Matt and Mello's eyes widened. There were footsteps coming down the hallway. The blonde quickly grabbed the cigarette from between Matt's fingers and threw it into the pantry before gripping Matt's arm and roughly pulling him into the hallway; running opposite of the footsteps.

"Y-you're going to start a fire!" Matt whispered.

"Don't be a baby, Matt. If we get caught with that, we'll get in _huge _trouble!" Mello exclaimed. The redhead sighed as Mello came to a stop in front of his door once again.

"See ya tomorrow, Matt!" Mello waved, running down the hallway. Matt allowed a small smile to creep onto his face as he stared after Mello. Of course, the next day was Saturday, where the children hung around the common room or library, doing nothing. This meant no classes, which meant Matt didn't have to wake up early. He sighed happily and laid down on his bed, snuggling up to the pillows and turning on his Gameboy. Luigi and Mario jumped around on the screen until about three in the morning, when his drowsiness caused them to turn into green and red blobs.

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.

.

Yawning, he threw his legs over the side of the bed and stretched. Matt sighed and looked at the clock, but there was a paper taped over the numbers. He picked it up carefully and unfolded it.

**Come to the front. I'll be waiting, lazy.**

**-Mello**

Matt couldn't help but smile at that blonde _bastard's _words. He stumbled out of the bed and pulled on his normal attire, and made his way outside. Mello was playing football with some other kids, but turned to Matt. Just as they made eye contact someone tapped on his shoulder.

"Roger needs to see you." A pale girl said.

"Gotcha." He smiled, then laughed at Mello's quizzical expression. As he walked the long hallway, he contemplated why Roger would need to talk to him. He hadn't gotten in trouble or any bad grades. Well, he had not gotten a chance to look at the weekly scores, but they couldn't have been bad, based on Near's reaction. There was a slight hesitation in his hand just before he was going to knock, but he had to act strong.

"Come in." When had he knocked? Matt sucked in a breath and opened the door slowly. He did not expect to see L standing at Roger's desk. Well if you could call that half moon slouch _standing._ The older man walked over to Matt and closed the door.

"I do not think Matt will want anybody listening in on this conversation." Said L. Matt frowned and tilted his head.

"What do you want to talk about?" He questioned.

"I know who killed your brother." Matt let out a small gasp and stared up at the older man.

"W-who?!" He exclaimed. This was the work of an amazing detective, figuring out who murdered his brother in one full day, even while working on another case.

"You'll have to figure that out yourself." Matt couldn't keep himself from letting out a full gasp this time.

"Wh-you-what-no-"

"It will feel more fulfilling to you if you find it out yourself." Matt glared at the older man, and gritted his teeth.

"You can't do that!" He exclaimed.

"Matt will be given a computer and an excuse from his classes this week. Try to find out quickly." And with that, the detective walked out of the door and down some hallway. Matt glowered at the wall where the detective had been standing seconds before, then ran down the hallway to his room.

There was a laptop lying on his bed.

Time to get to work.

The redhead sighed as he sat on his bed, booting the computer up.

_Do I really have what it takes to find the killer?_

Matt sighed again and looked around the desktop; there was a lone folder in the lower left corner, which he clicked on.

**Three stab wounds**

**Seventeen crushed ribs**

**Chloroform in system**

**Broken right ankle**

**Shattered left knee**

**Bruises on left hip**

Matt sighed. He had to find his brother's killer, and fast. Of course, that was _much _easier said than done. He looked up the backgrounds of all the doctors that worked there, but none of them had any criminal record. That wasn't saying anything though, that _one _doctor tried to get Matt to have sex with him. The place also didn't have security cameras, or check-in sheets. Sighing, Matt sent e-mails to the surrounding stores, asking if they'd seen anyone suspicious walking into the institution or loitering around it, posing as a police agent. As he waited for responses he searched through the computer files, and sure enough, there was one more file on the computer which L had decided to not put on the desktop. Why would L be testing him with his own brother's death? Matt opened the file and it was a picture. A picture of James' room, with blood stains on the walls, and a strange doll on the far right wall. The redhead stared at it with disbelief. Who would leave a _doll_ on a wall of their victim's room?

_Have they checked it for fingerprints?_

Matt was about to stand when he got an e-mail. Reading over it he sighed heavily. The store directly to the left of it hadn't seen anything suspicious… how was he supposed to find anything out? Matt ran his fingers through his hair, and left his room. Where exactly was L supposed to be now? He had left Roger's office, and Matt had no idea where his room was.

"Have you found anything Matt?" The redhead jumped around to face the detective.

"U-um… have you sampled the doll-thing for fingerprints?" He questioned. L stared at him.

"You mean the wara ningyo? Of course we have. There was nothing on it." Matt sighed-for the sixth time- and slumped back into his room. Though getting on the computer, he was quite pleased to see three new e-mail responses.

**No. I am sorry. Good luck your case though!**

Matt bit his lip, but continued.

**No, sir, But you better catch the evil man who done this. I don't want no serial killer runnin round this town. Especially with them kids in that orphanage.**

He let out an exasperated sigh.

**I do recall seeing a man with one horrid slouch walking to the doors on that same night the police came. But I already told the police this…**

_Damn L!_

Matt growled at the computer and typed a response to the person quickly.

**I apologize; we must have lost that report ma'am. I'm going to need you to describe how this man looked, if he was holding anything, and what exactly made you suspicious of him.**

The redhead received a response almost immediately.

**This man came inside my store, bought two jars of strawberry jam, and walked over to the orphanage. He wasn't holding anything that I can remember. He had really pale skin, really big dark circles, and was wearing really basic clothes. Like jeans and a t-shirt.**

Matt stared, gaping at the screen. _L. _This person just described _L _in perfect detail. But… what if she had seen L and not an _actual _suspicious person? But why would L be at Wammy's on the night of his brother's death? Matt fisted his hair.

_Why does this have to be so hard!_

Matt sighed and looked up his only lead on the computer; wara ningyo. As it turned out there were three murders before with wara ningyo involved. They were recent as well.

_So James wasn't killed for personal reasons_

The murders were very interesting, and seemed baffling to Matt. But there was one thing that was very strange about the murders. Not only did the victims have the strangest names that he's ever heard in his life, but they all had names where the first letters of their first and last names were the same letter.

Quarter Queen

Backyard Bottomslash

Believe Bridesmaid

James Jeevas

There wasn't anything else Matt could figure out; he couldn't _go _to the crime scenes… and besides, the names probably aren't even related at all… Matt groaned and leaned his head back on the wall behind him, closing his eyes. There was a flash of a face in his minds eye, and his eyes snapped open. He rubbed them with his palm, and looked back at the computer, willing the face to come back. For some reason, the whole _jam _thing was starting to sound _very_ familiar…

_B!_

Matt had to stifle a yell as the picture came back to him. Of course it was B! Backup! The creepy black haired guy that crept around the school with bottles of jam! Matt stood up and ran down the hallway, looking for L. Beyond was the oldest here, when Matt came and was only there for a week or so. Matt couldn't really remember him, but he was certain this guy did it. When the redhead reached the library he saw L talking to Near, but ran up to the detective and grabbed his sleeve.

"B! It was Backup!" He exclaimed. The other children glared at him as he took his voice down to a whisper.

"It was B." L sighed, and pried the child's arms from his shirt.

"Can you prove it?" He questioned. Matt's face immediately turned downcast.

"W-well… the owner of that shop next to it described him exactly and-"

"How do you know he wasn't only buying jam and leaving, or that it was me?" The child sighed for the umpteenth time that day and turned around slowly.

"Though," the detective started, "If you can prove that he did it in court, or if you can get him to plead guilty, then your brother will be avenged."

"So it _was _Backup…" L smiled and turned to Near again, returning to their conversation.

The only way to avenge James was to get Backup to plead guilty…

How is Matt going to do that?

.

.

.

Cases are supposed to take a while to get to court right? Well not with L. L got Matt a court-date for the _next day. _Of course Matt wasn't going to be in it. No, he was much too young. Matt was going to be the little orphan brother sitting in the audience while Backup took the stage. Matt had a plan to make Backup confess to this murder…

"I call James' brother to the stand."

Well, maybe he wasn't only going to sit in the audience.

A man escorted Matt up to the stand, where he swore to tell the truth, and finally got a good look at Backup. The guy was _still _a near perfect replica of L.

"You are Matt, James' younger brother, yes?"

_Starts out easy…_

"Yes…"

"He was admitted to Summer Springs Mental Hospital on March twentieth is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, Matt, what was your home life like before your parents died?"

"Fine."

"How often did your parents beat you, Matt?"

_How did they even know?_

"N-…not often…"

"The medical examiners found multiple belt-marks on his bottom that they concluded were created several months ago. By your saying, he's only been at the Hospital for a little over three months."

"W-well… yes, but-"

"We are only trying to help you, Matt. Tell us the truth." Matt bit his lip.

"Well, they _did,_ but that's… the past…"

"And you are the last person James had talked to before he died?"

"U-um… Yes…"

"Did he say anything to you that would have to do with his attacker?"

"If he had I would've told the police before…"

"Did Mr. Jeevas say anything about his attacker?"

"No!"

"Do you know all of the details of the murder?"

_Knowing L…_

"Probably not."

"Do you or your brother eat jam, Matt?"

"N-no…"

"Are you aware that there were traces of jam at the scene of the crime?"

"No…"

"That is all I have to ask." Cursing L under his breath, he walked back to his seat. Though he was happy that now Backup would go to jail for _sure._

.

.

.

Matt didn't put his plan into action, he didn't need to. He knew that with the jam left at the scene, and L's influence, Backup would be put away for a while, then, Kira would kill him. Kira would _surely _kill a mass murderer.

.

.

.

Halle Bullook visited Matt on Tuesday. They had talked about the case, and the court, and school. Halle was a very good listener, and Matt was a very good talker…

Matt thought on this as he waited for the other children in his social studies class to turn in their tests. He knew he had gotten at least a one-hundred on it, if not a one-hundred and ten with the extra-credit. A smug smile appeared on his, much like the one Near wears when Mello screams about not being number one.

Lying back in his seat, Matt glanced over at a blonde girl beside her and hissed as she circled the wrong answer for one of the questions.

_How does she not know the capital of Tuvalu?_

Matt was shaken out of his thoughts as a bell rung, signaling an announcement over the intercom.

"Will the top three students please come to Roger's office?"

Matt sighed as that blonde _bastard_ to his right stood up, smugly, started to walk out of the door, and then stopped. Much to Matt's dismay, he turned towards him, and grabbed his arm. Matt didn't have time to say anything before Mello pulled him out of the room and into the hallway.

"Wh-what are you doing?" The blonde looked at him incredulously.

"Didn't you see the SmartBoard?"

"Um… well…no…"

"You're third Idiot!"

.

.

.

A/N: Wow… I think this is the longest story I've ever written in my life. And it's not even over yet…

But anyways, this chapter was realllyyyyyyy angsty, but the next chapter I'm _very_ excited to say… **Is going to be ****HAPPY**. I am just as excited as you are!

I also had _no idea _how to write a court scene, so I kept it really short… I'm sorry.

Kye Above… _**Thank you! **_ It took me a while to think of a reason to have him want to be L-**other than money for games-** and I am so happy to get a review :D


	3. Hello, my name is Matt

A/N: When I was writing the part where Matt grabs Near's hand, all I could think of was how cute it was. And how the picture on Near's Wikipedia makes him look like he's five when he's actually like eighteen XD. Near's so adorable. Also, I can't remember if I already apologized for the lack of description on character's looks. I just like to leave the way a character looks up to the reader.

KyeAbove: Haha thank you! I didn't expect it to get many readers or reviews; I'm like five years late! Let's just be real here haha. I also like your idea that Near's hair is platinum blonde… XD

"Near stop stepping on my heels!"

"That's not possible, Mello, I am in front of you."

"I will crack you upside the head with this fucking suitcase if you don't stop!" The blonde screeched. Matt put his head down and hurried in front of the two, pretending to not know them. Lucky for him, Near got the hint and went quiet. They were at an airport; after going to Roger's office, they were told to pack their things and go to the cab outside, which took them to the airport, and then go to terminal 2, gate 13.

"Please put any bags, coats, electronics, shoes, or metals in this basket. Any knives or guns will not be permitted." A man yelled from the bag check line. Mello suddenly ran up to the front of the passport line.

"Mello, we have to get in line!" Matt called. Near sighed heavily and walked behind Mello. The redhead ran up behind them, looking at his feet.

"Sir, you have to wait in line like _everybody else._"

"Do you know who we are? _Do you know?!_" The blonde screeched.

"Mello let's just go in line…" Matt grabbed his arm and started to pull him away gently.

"Matt, get off!" Mello shoved the redhead to the ground with force that shouldn't be in a tiny kid like him. "We are here for L and we need to get to our terminal _now."_ Well, with Near sitting on the ground with a transformer, Mello screaming bloody murder, Matt trying desperately to pick up all of the games that fell out of his bag, and no adults around them, they didn't really look like they could be anything _near_ geniuses.

"Can I see your passports please?" Once the man had all of them, he flipped through a piece of paper. Looking back at them with wide eyes the man pointed them to the baggage check, before standing up to go talk to another man. Mello walked up to the line and grabbed three baskets, handing them out to the other boys. That must be the nicest thing he's done all day.

"Please place any bags, coats, electronics, metals, or shoes in this basket. If you are under the age of eight, you do not have to remove your shoes or socks."

"Okay Near, you don't have to take off your shoes." Mello teased.

'Mello, I am twelve, not four."

"You act like you're four with all of those toys."

"Actually, you do. You throw temper tantrums every five seconds." Mello stopped taking his shoes off to stare at Near.

"You little _shit!_" He yelled, lunging at Near. Matt hopped over to them, grabbing Mello's shoulders and tugging him off.

"Mello, you are the oldest of us here, act like it!" He exclaimed. Mello huffed, and continued taking off his shoes. Matt pushed the boy's items through the metal detector, and gave their suitcases to the woman beside the metal detector. The first one to go through was Mello, to which the detector went off loudly. Matt groaned and hid his face in his hands.

"Mello… you were supposed to put any metal in the basket…" Matt whined.

"Well I didn't feel like it and Near-"

"Next." Mello glared at the woman as he stepped out. Near stepped into the metal detector and raised his hands.

"Next." Matt did the same and walked through to grab his things. A loud buzzer rang as their items came through. Mello ignored it and proceeded to put his shoes on. Matt glanced around and sure enough, everyone in the area was staring at them; and the guards, who did nothing. One man in particular was staring at Mello and started moving closer as the blonde put his hand knife back in his pocket, after flipping it open and closed multiple times. The redhead put his hand on Mello's shoulder.

"Let's go, we need to leave." The blonde scoffed and stalked off to the terminal. Matt grabbed Near's small hand and pulled him through the crowds of people, making sure not to lose him.

"Matt!" A familiar blonde _bastard_ made its way to the two kids. "Our plane is leaving in like fifteen minutes. What are we going to do?"

"How do you expect me to know?" Matt questioned, letting go of the younger boy's hand. The blonde pouted his lips and looked around.

"You know what?" The redhead turned around. "I have to use the bathroom." Matt jogged to the bathroom and sighed, glad to be away from the blonde.

"Hey." Matt jumped and turned around to see the man that had been staring at Mello earlier. "Did your friend say that you were here because of L?"

"No, you see, my friend, he has mild schizophrenia." The man took a step towards Matt as he took a step back.

"But then why does that boy get to carry around a knife?"

"Well, he has mild schizophrenia."

"Do you have any weapons on you?" The man took another step towards Matt just as his back hit a wall.

"No," Matt raised his hands in his face, "You're not getting what I'm saying…" The man tilted his head at Matt.

"My friend… he's schizophrenic." The man grabbed the stripped shirt and pulled him right off of his feet.

"Do you have any weapons?! Give them to me!" The man yelled.

_Surely someone will hear that._

Matt winced as the man stuck his hand in his pocket, pulling the inside out and cursing when nothing was there.

"Sir, put the young man down." The redhead fell to the ground with a thud as the man put his hands in the air and turned to the security guard behind him.

"Put your hands behind your back, you're coming with me." The guard handcuffed the man and pulled him out of the door. Matt stood up and made his way to the door, walking out and finding Mello and Near.

"What took you so long?" Mello whined. Matt tilted his head, it had only seemed like a few seconds to him… And when did Mello start caring about Matt?

"It wasn't _that_ long, Mello. Don't be such a drama queen." Mello stood up and put Matt into a headlock.

"I'm just couldn't _stand _being around Near, not that you're much better!" He laughed. Matt groaned and pulled away from Mello.

"First class will be boarding now." A woman at a podium beside the gate called.

"Let's go!" Mello exclaimed, running over to the woman. Matt ran up to him, grabbing his shoulder.

"How do you know we're first class? We could be second…" Mello laughed, hitting Matt on the back roughly, nearly knocking him to the ground.

"L wouldn't get us any less!" He exclaimed, throwing the ticket at the woman. Near calmly passed his ticket to the woman next, and then Matt.

And what do you know? They _were_ first class.

"Hey, we don't have seats next to each other this is bullshit!" Mello exclaimed.

_How did Mello get my ticket?_

"Where is my seat?" The redhead questioned.

"You sit two seats behind me…" Matt nodded and followed Mello to the row farthest to the left. The blonde sat down as Matt went to his seat.

"Oh hell no!" Matt looked up and sighed heavily as Near sat beside Mello.

"Mello, I cannot change the seating arrangement." Near stated as second class flyers entered the plane.

"Matt!" The blonde yelled.

"Oh my god…" Matt put his face in his hands. "Mello, it's only eleven hours on here, calm down." Matt said through his hands.

"Calm down?! You want me to calm down?!" He screeched.

"'Scuse me…" A man said. Matt straightened up, allowing the man to make his way through.

"Matt get your ass up here and switch with Near before I come down there and kick your scrawny-" A stewardess interrupted him, saying something intelligible. Matt sighed deeply and pulled out his Gameboy, but before he could even turn the power on the same stewardess tapped him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me sir, but electronics are not permitted until we are at cruising altitude," she pointed to an image above Matt's head, "this will glow red when you can turn on your electronics." She smiled at him and walked away. Shoving it in his pocket, he leaned his head back and stared at the image of a cell phone for at least ten minutes until it turned red. Grinning, Matt pulled out his Gameboy but just before he pressed start someone poked his shoulder.

"Hey," the man sitting next to him stared at him.

"Yes?"

"Is your hair natural?"

"U-um… Yeah…"

"It looks so soft, can I touch it?" The man reached a hand forward as Matt jerked his head back.

"I-um… I need to play video games…" The man cocked his head.

"Do you have some sort of disease where you have to play video games?"

"It-it's like, you know… diabetes…" Matt leaned away as far as the seat would let him and turned on his Gameboy.

And that's how the next ten hours and forty-five minutes went, with Matt playing his Gameboy, Mello only _whisper_-yelling at Near, and eventually only half-hearted attempts at groping Matt's hair.

It was quite peaceful, really.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, can you please turn all electronics off; we will be landing in ten minutes." A lady said over the intercom. There were a few "yays" and sighs through the plane as the lights turned on. Matt sighed and put the Gameboy back into his pocket, running a hand through his hair; he glanced over to his right, and then did a double take at the man glaring at him.

"So you'll mess up your hair, but not let me touch one strand?" The man growled. Matt leaned back further so his head was partially out into the isle.

"First class passengers, you can exit the plane now." Matt got up quickly and nearly ran down the isle up to Mello and Near. It's nice how quickly time goes by when you're creeped out.

"So, Matt, how was your first time getting molested?" Mello questioned as they got off of the plane.

"It wasn't really molestation, it was just a weird obsession with my hair… and how would you know?" Mello smirked.

"I looked back there a couple of times and you were halfway out into the isle the whole time." Matt sighed and scratched his head.

"Matt, Mello, we're over here." Near said, pointing to a sign saying "Wammy's" Mello ran up to the man with Near and Matt following shortly after.

"I am driving you to a restaurant where you will meet with the entire Japanese task force. Then, you will work with L to bring Kira down." The man explained whilst walking towards the exit. Mello cocked his head.

"Really?! We're going to help with _that_ case?!" The blonde ran out of the airport doors, laughing, and up to a random car in the parking lot.

"Where are our suitcases?" Matt questioned.

"We already have them at the headquarters," he said, opening the door to a truck, "my name is Soichiro, I'll be working with you." Near sat in the far left seat, followed by Matt in the middle, and Mello to his right.

"So, Soichiro, hoe far along are you guys in the case?" Mello questioned.

"Well, we actually don't know anything. We've completely started over because Ryuzaki was _wrong_." Matt and Mello shared a look.

"Ryuzaki?"

_That's what Backup called himself sometimes…_

"Yes, L."

"Oh! So L just stole that name! Okay!" Mello exclaimed. Soichiro glanced at them through the driver's mirror.

"Is there anything else you know about the Kira case in general?"

"Well, Ryuzaki thinks that Misa Amane is the second Kira and Light Yagami is Kira. He also thinks that Kira can kill people with ways other than heart attacks, and we know that the second Kira can kill only by looking at someone's face."

"O-oh…" Matt mumbled. He didn't want to risk his life on this case, he wanted to live… but… he can't back out now. This is for James.

"We're here." The man said.

_What a short distance…_

"Matt come on!" Mello pulled onto Matt's arm and tugged him out of the car. "I'm hungry!" Matt looked up at the sign and it was a breakfast place. But it should be dinner time…

_Stupid jet-lag…_

"Where are they?!" Mello all-but-yelled as he entered the restaurant with Matt in tow. Soichiro put a hand on his shoulder and led him to the back of the restaurant, where five men sat at a table.

"Matt, I am glad to see you here." L said as Matt sat down beside Mello.

"Well…"

_It wasn't because of you…_

"Thank you."

After that, everyone went around the table, introducing themselves, accompanied by a little wave.

"I'm Mello."

"I'm Mogi."

"I'm Matsuda."

"I'm Aizawa."

"I'm Light."

"Near."

"My name's Matt."

A/N: Do you mind if I pimp myself out a bit? I wrote a short story for my school, and won! It's a three-paragraph long creepypasta-ish sorta thing, and I would _really_ appreciate it if you would read it :D

Also, I am aware that I'm not as good at writing happy stories as I am darker stories, because there's more dialogue in happy stories and less description, it's hard for me, so I'm going to try to take the tone down a bit. That's also why it took so long to write this… and this is seven pages. Usually my chapters are at least ten. Ugh.


	4. Mom, I need you

A/N: I am trying to get this up as fast and long as I can!

I was dreading this chapter, I have to get my damn manga books out and write the shit word for word. Ugh. Well I had to go and put something sad in here, I can't go more than one chapter without it, and there will be more, I already have another thing comin', but it won't be 'till they get back to Wammy's. So you'll have a break if you don't like sad stuff.

The task force headquarters was huge! The place where Matt had lived most of his life had nothing this big anywhere _near_ it. Of course, the orphanage had been large enough to hold the children, but not nearly this big. The thing that surprised Matt the most, though, was that there were only _two_ people living in it full time. The redhead sighed and followed the others into the building, of course, after passing through a metal detector, which Mello had to go through at least five times, and standing around awkwardly as L crouched down on the chair in front of thirty screens showing some blonde girl.

"Aizawa, Mogi, Soichiro, Matsuda," he said, still not turning around, "I'm continuing this case myself… and I swear to return to you guys one day with Kira's head." Matt nearly gasped; L was just going to drop these people? They might not be on the same level as Wammy's kids, but they could still be used for any Gopher issues couldn't they? And why hadn't L said anything about that Light guy? It must be because he thinks he's Kira…

"Ryuzaki, you're the one who said that you needed the police force for this case." Soichiro said.

"I did, but that was so I could maintain a connection to the police, now that they have decided to not go after Kira, just forget about it. Two or three civilians can't help me." L stated, pulling a cherry stem out of his mouth.

_Ouch…_

"I understand that, but we have feelings too, Ryuzaki! We've come this far, risking our lives; I think we at least deserve the chance to make that decision ourselves." Mello groaned, the audacious _bastard_.

"Mello." Matt chastised.

"What," He whined, "I want to start the case we're wasting time." Matt sighed.

"Aren't you supposed to be _smart_? You keep blurting things out like an idiot."

"Well, if I'm not mistaken, _you, _are _third_."

"And if _I'm _not mistaken, _you, _are_ second._" Mello glared at Matt, took in a deep breath, and lunged at him. Grabbing his hair, Mello pulled his neck back with a force causing Matt to stumble back a few steps. Fighting the angry blonde would only make things worse, so Matt left his hands limp at his side.

"What did you say?" Asked Mello with a strangely normal, curious tone; it scared Matt, unfortunately, and he didn't answer. Instead, averting his eyes to the ground. "Alright!" Mello said happily, letting go of Matt's hair, and patting his head. The redhead sighed deeply and looked at the wall away from the taskforce.

"Are these children telling the truth, Ryuzaki?" Aizawa asked, offended. L turned around in his chair and looked pointedly at Mello.

"Yes, these children," he hesitated, bringing another cherry to his lips, "they're my successors. Now, about what Mr. Yagami said; if you want to work with us, then please choose now." He pulled a stem out of his mouth, knotted.

"But chief," Aizawa started, "If you stay, you're unemployed… what about the future? We have families, I don't know if I could sacrifice them…" Soichiro smiled.

"I haven't thought about it… if we catch Kira, well, there's always a new career!" Everyone was quiet before Matsuda walked forward and announced that he was going to stay as well.

"Ryuzaki, what if we go back to the police but help out on our free time?!" Aizawa exclaimed.

"No good, if you go back to the police, please stay there. From now on, I have to assume that everyone working with the police is the enemy." Matt closed his eyes. This wasn't fair, but then again, nothing in this business is fair, is it?

"I guess you're right; the other police officers would only see me as your spy… but what about having one of us at the police to monitor their movements?" He suggested.

"You can call and give us information, but we will never give our information to you." Matt bit his lip; it was hard to watch, really. The man had to put food on his family's table, it wasn't wrong for him to be contemplating going back to the police.

"Yeah… you're right Ryuzaki, the information here must never get out, I'm sorry for the lame suggestions…"

"I cannot see it as a correct decision for you to lose your job and cause your family suffering. It's stupid." L sipped on a cup of tea.

"You have a family too, Chief…" He said. The Chief sighed, with a stern look.

"My own son was suspected of being Kira, and placed in confinement because of what Kira did, my ego won't allow me to leave."

"I still haven't given up on the theory that Light is the first Kira…" L said, immediately causing the three children to look up at Light in unison, making him visibly pale.

"It's not fair, damn it… I've come this far, prepared to die at any time… but, if I leave, how will I ever be able to face Ukita..? Damn it! Why can't a detective on the police force go after a criminal?" A buzzing sound came through the laptop before an electronic voice spoke.

"Ryuzaki, in the beginning you had me make preparations so the members of the task force and their families would be financially secure in case this should happen, why are you not mentioning that?" Matt held back a gasp. L was one sneaky bastard, he knew how to trick people; and it would have worked effectively if Watari hadn't interrupted. Near and Mello weren't so impressed.

_They must've known the whole time…_

Matt suddenly wasn't feeling so great… he hadn't even been able to see through that, he was just as shocked as the rest of the _average_ task force. That Light guy must've even known, he looked indifferent as well…

_I'm not really cut out for this am I…_

He wanted to leave, he wanted to fall into the ground and disappear. He wanted to, yet, he had to stay, he couldn't back out now…

_James…_

He was the only reason Matt was even there.

"You were watching to see if I'd quit the taskforce or not, weren't you?" Asked Aizawa.

Well, it was kinda obvious now.

"Yes, I was testing you. I wanted to see which you'd choose." L said, sipping on more tea.

"Alright… I choose to return to the NPA. I couldn't decide immediately like you guys and I was leaning towards the NPA anyways. And this just made it crystal clear, I don't like people like Ryuzaki; I don't like the way he works." He said bitterly.

"Well, that's a completely reasonable reaction, but I _do _like people like you, Aizawa." Aizawa looked at him for a second before turning on his heel and storming out of the door. A small 'take care' came from L as he left, but was not responded to. L sighed, and turned his chair to face everybody.

"Matt, I lied." He said.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" He questioned.

"I'm talking about when I said you could 'win'." Ouch. That was a bruise to his ego… "I only wanted you to make it to third because I knew you couldn't get any higher, and you need to know something…" Matt bit his lip, looking at the ground. It was embarrassing; he wanted to disappear even more than before. This was horrible… and what could he possibly need to know?

"What is it?" He asked quietly.

"Your mother is being held in prison here and I thought you would like to see her. So I made you become number three." The way L said it, the way he said anything really, made it sound so derogatory; like he was lesser than L. Which was true… but he still didn't have to say things like that. Matt couldn't say anything, he was…_happy _to see his mother, but, was it even-

"That's not true." The words came out before he could even recognize that he had said them. "My mom's not alive. My dad said she died… she died."

"Your dad told you that? Have you forgotten what your father has done to you and your brother?" L questioned. Matt couldn't bring himself to look at the detective, he was filled with shame, forcefully remembering how he couldn't do anything to help his brother when he was getting hurt, how he couldn't say anything when the social worker was questioning him about his brother's bruises, how he couldn't scream when his father hurt him, how he couldn't tell his mother to stay, how he couldn't run away with his brother when he had the chances, he couldn't push Mello away earlier, he couldn't speak out, and he couldn't… he couldn't do anything… of course L would see that…

"You can go see your father tomorrow, Matsuda will drive you." Yes, of course he couldn't work on the case, he wasn't good enough; he was lower than these civilians.

"Where is my room." Matt didn't want to think, if he couldn't help with the case tomorrow, he wasn't going to help with it now.

"Aren't we going to start the case?" Mello questioned. Mello, that blonde _bastard_ who had resembled his father only moments before; scaring him into silence. That blonde bastard who was shorter than him and small and skinny and feminine was _intimidating_. Matt was pathetic, always getting kicked around by everyone. It was his father, really, wasn't it?

"If Matt needs a minute, he can go to his room, it's on the floor directly above this one and; room six. Just know I'll always be watching." Matt glanced up at the screen with a picture of the girl talking on the phone again, then left.

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.

.

His room was quite big, it was like what he imagined a hotel room to look like, not like the camped rooms Wammy's gives you, not like a rented out trailer in the middle of a bad neighborhood…

But that's not the point now is it?

The first room was bigger than

Matt walked over to the bed, jumping on it face-first. He smiled, breathing in the linen smell on the thin, navy blue satin sheets. The smell was new, he hadn't smelled anything like it before; yes, Wammy's was clean, but they didn't clean _often._ Matt laughed, if only his brother was here, if only James could've ever felt or smelled something like this in his life. He didn't know when his laughing turned into crying, but it did. And he was curled up in a ball on the bed suddenly, his knees up to his chest, and hands wrapped around them almost protectively, as if James was there. Oh, Matt wanted to hold his brother as he was his knees, he wanted to rub his brother's hair again, tell him he would see him the next week again, but It was over. James was no longer his brother; James was a corpse in a dumpster somewhere, with his blood going to people who needed it; he was could be flat like those airhead commercials. It could've just been missing someone to hold, but Matt yearned now for his mother's touch…

Yeah, it was probably just missing his brother.

His eyes burned, with every blink beckoning him to keep them closed. His blinks became longer, with lingering closed eyes. Why was he even fighting it? He had always been submissive; but this must've been the only thing he could control, so damn if he wasn't going to try.

_The pain will go away if I close my eyes…_

Even though Matt knew that that was true no other time; as always, he submitted to the dark.

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The redhead woke up in a fetal position, on top of the covers. He blinked a few times before sitting up, and yawning. He knew there was no way he would be able to fall back asleep; it was a lingering fear that had been instilled in him since he was a child, but that's not the point. Matt sighed, standing up, and walking to the door of his room. He walked out, and down the hall until he came to the elevator. Before he could press the bottom floor button, a hand pressed over his and leaned into him.

"Matt," a voice whispered. The hand covering his let go and whipped him around to face them. It was that blonde bastard again, of course.

"Matt, come on! I'm going to go get chocolate, come with me!" He exclaimed. Matt sighed, but followed him anyway; not knowing what the crazy blonde would do if he didn't.

"You should really help with the investigation, you know." Matt looked at the floor, it must've been late, everyone must've been asleep. Well, _almost _everyone.

"You _still _won't talk?" Mello questioned, dragging him back down the hallway.

_Talking does me nothing good…_

Why would Matt talk if he's only going to get hit by Mello or something for it? The blonde groaned.

"Come _on_ Matt, you have to say something or this'll be no fun!" He whined, stomping on the ground a little as they walked. Was this supposed to be fun? Was Mello paying attention to him for fun? Matt had to shake the idea away, he was never fun, and he has always been quiet, especially with Mello…

"Why are you even talking to me?" He questioned. Mello stopped, and turned to him slowly.

"Matt, if you're still upset about what L said, then that's stupid. Think about what it's like for me to be second to someone who's two years younger than me!" He exclaimed. Matt didn't look at him, he wouldn't, he couldn't. He was too weak, and he would never be strong enough to say anything to anyone.

"Matt, look at me." It would always be this way; with Matt being the one who couldn't even look a stranger in the eye or standup for himself if someone was rude. He would be alone for the rest of his life, living in an old rundown apartment paying his rent late because he couldn't make anything of his-

"Matt…" a hand wiped away tears that he hadn't realized were running down his face. Mello moved his hand from Matt's head to the back of his neck before pulling him forward into the crook of the blonde's neck. Matt couldn't comprehend his actions as he wrapped his hands around Mello's waist. He didn't want the blonde to see him helpless, weak, fragile, but why not? He was too sad to care anymore.

"Matt, it's okay…" Mello said, putting one arm around his waist, and stroking his hair with the other hand. Matt had been in this position with his brother many times, except he acted as the strong one, protecting his brother, cooing to him that everything would be okay… "I know it hurts, but you have to go see your mother… I don't know what happened, but can you be happy for me? I want to see you smile." Matt sniffled, and closed his burning eyes again. Matt realized he had no reason to act as the strong one anymore, or maybe he had realized it when his brother died. Either way, there was no reason to try anymore; there was no reason to care anymore.

_Mom…_

Maybe there was. There had never been any real loathing towards his mother; she was a bystander to his father. She was frail, weak, just like him. She couldn't do anything or his father would beat her. Well, he had never seen her try, but he assumed it was that way.

"I-I…" He wanted to say something to Mello, something to show appreciation for holding him, but he couldn't form the words. This was the child that had pulled his head back by his hair a few hours earlier? Mello pulled his head back from Matt's shoulder and looked at him, straight in the eyes. Matt immediately looked away, but that was the wrong decision. The blonde pulled Matt's chin forward, and frowned at him.

"Say something, Matt." Matt stared at him for a few seconds, not daring to move his face from Mello's grasp.

"I... thank you… Mello…" Mello let go of Matt's chin and smiled softly.

"Matt, you shouldn't thank me. Just learn to hold yourself. Trust me, when I first came to Wammy's, I wanted someone to hold on to when I was sad, but I didn't have anyone. Eventually, I just didn't cry anymore and I was happy. But sometimes you need someone to hold you, and I'm okay with that." He said, grinning. Matt looked at the ground. "I don't know what someone did to you to make you so… passive… but you _have _to get over that. You have to fix yourself, because you _can't _trust _anyone_ to be there for you if you fall." The redhead pulled away from Mello as he yelled something about chocolate and pulled Matt down the hallway. Maybe Mello was right; maybe he did have to get over that. Didn't he remember his resolve for James? Didn't he remember his resolve to L? He would see his mother, and she would fix him up, she would make him feel better, apologize, hold him, like a mother should.

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He was crying. It was normal for him at this part of day, at any part of the day. He would go to school, get chastised by the teachers about not being social in the class, walk home-usually accompanied by whistling men- and not speak to his parents. _Never_ speak to his parents. He could smell the blood on his face, dripping out of his nose and down his lip. He never knew why he was hit; he had always followed the rules of no speaking and no fighting back. Not like there was even a reason for him to fight, what was going to happen in the end? He wasn't going to get away; he was going to get hurt more. But it already hurt so much, how could it hurt anymore? Matt tried to sit up, but as usual, he couldn't. So he just lay there, on the floor of his room. His homework was on his bed, peacefully, watching him. It was unfinished; he would have to turn it in unfinished. The thought wasn't bad, Matt would finish his homework when he could, but this wasn't the first time his father had gotten in the way of that.

"Mail." A voice said from the door. He looked up, it was his mother. She was staring down at him with pity in her eyes; as if she was sad she had to look. Matt would be too, he must have looked a mess. And he was naked, oh why did she have to look? It was too embarrassing.

"Not much longer…" She mumbled, and left. Of course, it was his father that made her leave. She couldn't be seen talking to him; his father would hurt her for sure. Matt wouldn't risk it either. He had thought the words meant she would take him and James and leave their father.

She flew to Japan the next day. Leaving her two sons and their father behind.

That was the worst day; Matt's father had beaten him more than usual that day. Matt's father would normally only hit him once or twice a day, James had gotten the bulk of the hits. Matt had suffered sexual abuse a few times a week; but after that day, it was torture. At least once a day; and more beating than usual. His mother left him to that.

How cruel.

No, no… Matt would've done the same thing, there was no way she could've gotten out with all three of them and paid for the plane tickets with the little money they had…

Matt didn't see it coming when his father died, though it was fitting; he died walking home from Golden Corral, spending much of the money they didn't have, and getting hit by a small car. He was smashed between the scar and a pole, giving him a slow, painful death. Matt was between distraught and ecstatic when he heard. Though his brother had no feelings about it, which made sense. Matt was the only person who cared about him, which is sad, really.

But his mom cared; she just couldn't show it.

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When Matt woke up the second time, he was happy; almost excited to see his mother. Though they would be rehashing the past, he didn't care. He needed his mother.

Entering the taskforce office was difficult, he was embarrassed. They all looked at him as he walked in, as if he wasn't supposed to be there.

Was he not?

"Matsuda." L motioned to the man farthest on the left.

"Right now?" Matt questioned.

"Yes, Matsuda has to go!" Soichiro exclaimed.

"I'm going…" Matsuda mumbled. The other members looked visibly relieved as Matsuda left. The redhead couldn't help but feel sorry for the man; he was only trying to help catch Kira…

"So, Matt, you and Mello are pretty close huh?" The man laughed. Matt frowned, all they've seen is Mello hurting him; how would they think they were close?

"How would you-"

"Oh, we weren't supposed to say anything! My bad! I guess I'll have to give L that cherry back." Matt gaped at Matsuda. L watched them on the cameras, _and_ showed it to these people? Well, hopefully Matsuda accidentally tells Mello, because Mello will chop L into pieces and feed them to Near if he knew this.

It would be fun to watch.

Matt was silent, listening to the other man speak about how they were doing on the Kira case; it was sad. He cared, he really did; he just didn't think of the other things they did, or realize something as fast as the others. Who can blame him? This is L and Wammy's kids and some other guy that apparently is _so_ smart.

"Y'know, I really don't mind you not talking much. You're like Mogi." Matt smiled a bit.

"You're comparing me to a tall, built guy who is on taskforce?" He laughed.

"No, I mean you guys don't talk much!" Matsuda pulled into the jail parking lot, and hesitated.

"Are you ready?" He questioned. Matt nodded quickly and jumped out of the car. He was going to see his mom and then she would hold him and then everything would be alright.

"Do you have a pass?" The man at the front desk asked. Matsuda told him that Matsui would be visiting, and the man showed the m down a hallway filled with cells. It was a rather small prison, so Matt hadn't worried about what crime his mother could've committed. He hadn't realized until then that he never even wondered what she did to end up there. The man came to a stop and Matt felt like he was going to explode. He wanted to feel her arms around him and take him away from the orphanage when she got out. He needed her.

"Mom!" He exclaimed. A grin spreading across his face as the man opened the door. She was sitting on the bed, staring at the ceiling, but slowly looked down at him. Matt laughed and walked over to the bed.

"What are you doing here?" She growled. Matt stopped dead in his tracks then, shocked, but recovered a small smile.

"Wh-what are you talking-"

"Do you remember the rule, Mail?" Matt gaped at her. What was she saying? She loved him! She must just be teasing; his mother would never say something like that and _mean_ it!

"Mail, repeat the rule to me. The one you just broke." She said, looking at the wall in front of her.

"M-mom…"

"Mail. You have one more chance. Repeat the goddamn rule to me, right now." Matt could feel the remains of his heart breaking into thousands of pieces.

"D-don't…" he wavered. Was he really going to do this? It was his mother, maybe she'd come back to her senses if he answered. "Don't speak…" He said quietly. A crazy smile engulfed his mother's face.

"Good, that's the little obedient son I know." Matt was shocked, to say the least. This was insane!

"So, Mail. How is life? Is your retard brother keeping you company, or is he dead?" She asked it… as if it was the weather…

"How could you say that?" He asked, quietly. She laughed.

"Do you think I love you, Mail?" She questioned. He didn't know what to do. What was he supposed to say? He thought she loved him, but how could he be so sure now? When she's saying all of these things? He nodded.

"How can I love a disgusting, unpure child?" He couldn't move. It was as if someone had ripped his heart directly from his chest.

"How can anybody love you, Mail?"

"Mom-"

"Nobody ever did, and nobody ever will!" She screamed, lunging at him. She managed to get a grip on his hair and pull him forward by the sheer force before getting tackled to the ground by the police officer. Matt stumbled back, horrified, and ran out of the building with Matsuda running after him.

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Matt couldn't breathe; he had cried silently the entire ride back and walked back into his room with his hands covering his face, his unpure, disgusting face. He couldn't live with this; his mother hating him, his brother dead, his father's abuse, the taskforce not wanting him there, L telling him he's not good enough, Mello's anger. He had no reason to want to be there. He wanted to go home.

Where is home?

It's not here; it's not Wammy's…

_I have no home_…

Surely the only place that could take disgusting people like him would be hell, right?

"Matt." Someone called. He didn't listen, why would they be in his room anyway?

"Matt!" He looked up; it was, of course, Mello. "Hey, wake up! We're going to start working on the case now! Come on!" He shook Matt's shoulders a bit. When had Matt gone to sleep? His thoughts must be becoming a jumbled mess.

"I don't want to…" He grumbled. Mello slid his arm under Matt's back and lifted him into a sitting position. Was Matt really this weak? Or was Mello just strong? Glancing at the blonde again, he noted it must've been the former.

"Matt, come on. Don't make me kill you." He said it so seriously, as if he was challenging Matt to think he wouldn't.

"They don't want me in there…" Matt frowned, stepping out of the bed.

"Matt, you're an idiot. Yes they do! We need you! Now come on out and _help us_." Matt sighed; it was too soon to be doing anything other than sitting in sadness. But, surprisingly, when he thought about it, he wasn't sad. He was angry. He was _pissed_. It was people like his mother who kill James, who abuse children. They need to _pay_. He was _going to become L._ That would show L, and Near and all the other criminals because he is going to send them all to jail for what they've done. Matt wasn't going to let anyone or anything get in his way anymore.

A/N: How did I finfish this in two days? Good lord. I guess it's an apology for how late the other one was?

Also, I need a beta, so if anyone can do that, send me a PM!

KyeAbove: Thanks! :D

ThernaBlakeheart: Thank you!


	5. He wouldn't do that

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. My bad for forgetting to put this on every other chapter…

A/N: I am planning on having this be the last full chapter where they're with the task-force. :D I also do not like this chapter very much. I've never been a fan of fanfictions that just repeat everything that happens in the manga, so I'm sorry if it seems like I'm making this go a little bit fast. That's also why I tend to stray from the manga and go into something Matt-related quite a bit…

SkyeAbove: _Why thank you_

ThernaBlakeheart: Thank you as well (And I know I'm breaking like the most important rule in anime fandoms like ever, but every time I see your profile picture, I think of Diedara :D)

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"Man, it's so boring without Aizawa here to yell at me!" Matsuda whined. "Plus Mogi and Matt-"

"I found another one Ryuzaki." Light interrupted. "On September tenth, Juniji Yaibe died from a head injury a month before he was scheduled to take over as president of Otomo bank. And their current director was caught embezzling money; he hasn't been arrested yet, but if the pattern we have holds, he'll be killed by Kira soon… at this rate, Yotsuba will surpass them as the country's largest." Light's father started shuffling through paperwork, then glanced up at Light.

"September is on a Friday, right?"

"Yes, Mr. Yagami." Said Near.

"We've overlooked a simple thing; all of the murders convenient to Yotsuba are concentrated on the weekends!"

"That's true, though the deaths were scattered at first, they seem to be concentrated on the weekends now, right?" Near questioned, plopping a die on his already large tower.

"Wow! Good work Chief and Near! Ryuzaki hadn't even noticed yet!" Matsuda congratulated. Matt could've sworn he saw Mello's eye twitch.

"I totally missed this; it could be valuable info dad!" Matt held back the urge to sigh. He had been trying to help with the investigation for two days, and had helped in zero ways. In fact, he had been sneaking his GameBoy under the screen-table because it was so boring to look up dead people and how they died for hours in a row. A hand plopped itself on his shoulder.

"Hey Matt, I've been meaning to ask you…" Matsuda cocked his head at Matt, "Why did your mom keep calling you 'Mail?'" He stage-whispered.

"M-Matsuda-"

"Oh I get it! That's your name! The people at the front desk also said that your mom always talked about someone named 'Mail Jeevas', so you were just using a fake name!"

"_Actually_, that's his brother. See, his mother preferred his brother over him, and therefore, she would always call Matt Mail after Mail's death because she was so stricken that he was dead." Mello lied, moving next to Matt

"But if she called him Mail and she loved Mail, then why would she be so mean to Matt? And why would you even know something so personal about him if you were just about to hit him a couple days ago? _And_ why would Matt be his real name if all of the rest of you have fake names?" L questioned, staring over at the two children. Mello paled visibly, and opened his mouth to say something.

"She called him Mail because she had been entered in an insane asylum two years prior, yet there is no information on her reasons for being entered, and therefore we cannot say why she says and does these things." Near stated, leaving the die in his hand on the ground and staring up at L.

"And I was going to hit him earlier because he offended me, but we're still _best_ friends." He glared at Near. Matt watched the three people go back and forth as he slowly took one step back; causing L's gaze to immediately move to him.

"What do you have to say about this, _Matt_?" He said.

"U-um-I-well…" He stuttered.

"He knows it's true; how would you feel if someone was questioning _you_ about that?" Mello said, wrapping his arm around Matt's shoulder protectively. Why was L saying these things? Wasn't Matt supposed to keep his name a secret? Well, if L is trying to get him to say it then maybe he's supposed to…

No, everything is a test with L.

"Near and Mello are right, my mother was insane; you don't even know. And obviously it's a fake name; but Mail was my perfect brother." Matt looked down at the ground, pulling away from Mello.

"Alright, _Matt_." L said, just as Mogi walked in the room with a giant stack of papers.

"I've completed the Yotsuba employee list." He said, dropping the papers on the desk in front of L."

"Over three hundred-thousand," The detective said, poking through it. "Amazing that you could do this in such a short amount of time… Mogi's always been surprisingly efficient." Just then, Matsuda's phone went off, and he said a small goodbye as he went out of the door.

"Just where do we start?" Soichiro questioned. "There's so many people employed!" L looked over at Matt.

"Mello and Matt can help us." Matt cocked his head.

"How?"

"There is an eighty-percent chance you're good with electronics; and Mello would be able to be friends with anybody he met if he would control his temper."

"I-uhh, I don't know if I'm good with electronics… I've never used any electronic other than my games…" Matt drifted off, rubbing his feet on the ground.

"I can control my 'temper' if you want me to!" Mello exclaimed.

"Ryuzaki, Eraldo Coil has been asked to uncover L's identity. They went through two agents to try to keep the client secret, but I've determined it was Yotsuba group's Tokyo office VP of rights and planning, Masihiko Kida; $100,000 up front and $1,400,000 on completion." Watari said from the computer.

"So it _is_ Yotsuba!" Soichiro exclaimed.

"But, Eraldo Coil is one of the best at locating people. Anyone, as long as the pay is good…" Light said worriedly.

"Don't worry," L glanced up at them, "Eraldo Coil is also me. Daneuve, L, and Coil are all me. Please don't tell anybody, though. People who are trying to uncover me usually fall for this." Light smiled.

"Found him," Light said, "Masahiko Kida; he's on the employee list." L turned in his chair to face the rest of the group.

"We can now use you two."

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.

.

"So I need to get close to him? That shouldn't be hard…"

"You want me to make it possible to get around the security cameras and stuff where he works…?"

_I don't know if I could do that…_

"Yes, now, please do not act out of panic or anger without my instruction. Now, in order to not get detected, Matt and Mello will-"

"Ryuzaki, Matsuda just sent a distress signal from his belt. It seems to be coming from the Yotsuba Tokyo Company building." L sighed.

"Just forget our plan; I'll have to rethink the whole thing… Stupid Matsuda…"

"Isn't Misa Amane supposed to be with Matsuda right now?" Matt questioned. Matsuda _surely_ wouldn't be stupid enough to put her in that kind of danger, right?

"Mr. Yagami, please call Matsuda's cell phone." L took the phone from Soichiro's hand and started to talk.

"Hey Matsui, it's Asahi... Oh, doesn't sound like you're home. Are you alone?... Oh, want to go drinking?... Why? Is your wallet in _trouble_ again? I'll invite you again next time then. Later!" He hung up the phone. "Matsuda doesn't have Misa, and he's in trouble."

"Misa won't answer her phone either…" Light said. Why wouldn't she? Didn't she love him like more than life?

"Well, it seems from that call, that there are people listening in. But, if Matsuda dies, then we'll know it's Yotsuba. _But_, we can't do anything drastic or they'll notice us. So we'll just have to wait and see." Said L. How could he think of doing that? Just throwing someone's life away like that?

Matt wasn't born to be L…

"Misa's calling!" Light exclaimed. He answered the phone and asked her where Matsuda was. "She just got a phone call from Matsuda!" He returned to Misa and told her a plan for her to go to Yotsuba and trick the men there.

"Do you really think that'll work? What if you drop him?" Matt questioned. L changed the screens to a hotel room filled with people.

"If you live with 'what ifs' throughout your life, you'll never get anything done."

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"Alright, you three, you're done for the day." Matt was ecstatic when L said those words, but he'd be damned if he let it show on his face. Instead, he just nodded and walked out of the room with Mello and Near.

It turns out, Matsuda didn't die; the plan went perfectly. Of course anything-

"Matt." Someone tugged on his sleeve. Matt stopped and turned around to see Near, looking at him with one finger up to his lips. "I've needed to tell you something for a while, follow me." Matt did as he was told and followed Near to an empty room where he proceeded to pull Matt into a corner.

"What do you-" Near put his hands on Matt's mouth and pulled a pile of sticky notes out of his pocket. He lifted his hand off of the redhead's mouth and wrote something on a sticky note, then handed it to Matt.

**Please don't speak. I have something to tell you but I must say it on sticky notes so L won't hear it.**

Matt glanced up at Near, and took the pencil. What was so important that Near didn't want _L_ to hear?

**Won't he see us?**

L _did_ have cameras everywhere. Or so he said.

**I've been watching the cameras to see where they can't see, and this small space is the only one I could find.**

**Okay what is it?**

**I think L is trying to kill you.**

"_What_?!" Matt exclaimed. Near shushed him and grabbed another sticky note. What was Near talking about? L wouldn't do that… right?

**He was basically telling the task force what your real name was.**

_That's true…_

**Why would he want to kill me?**

**Well, he obviously had a part in your trying in school. And you aren't smart enough to be here with us, so he's only trying to get you here to see if Light would kill you.**

Of course, Near was right about him not being as smart as them, but L still wouldn't do that would he? Near _was_ number one, so if he would tell Matt in the first place, he must have ran the numbers in his head to see how much of a chance there was that he was right. Matt sighed, giving the pencil back to Near, who stood up, holding his hand out to Matt. The redhead took it.

"Don't say anything to Mello, he'll tell _him._" Matt nodded, and walked out of the room with his head down.

He didn't like to think that he was being used… but he probably was, as much as he didn't want to admit it. Matt had been used his entire life by his father. He didn't want to remember but the more he tried to forget, the more he saw in his minds eye.

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He struck him again; it must've been the tenth time. Matt couldn't bear to see his brother's tears anymore. James hadn't done anything; he never did. He was always hit for no reason.

"Dad please stop!" He yelled without thinking. The man slowly turned to look at Matt. The redhead took a step back.

"Mail…" He said taking a step towards him. Matt glanced at James, was it worth it?

_Yes._

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The redhead groaned, rubbing the back of his head. He never wanted to think about his life; only about how he was going to avenge his brother. No child should ever have to go through a life like that.

Matt found himself unknowingly standing at someone's door. Mello's. He knocked.

"What is it?" A voice groaned irritably from the other side of the door.

"I need to ask you something." Matt said. Mello opened the door and raised his eyebrow to Matt.

"What?" He questioned.

"Well, you see, I-well…" Why couldn't he talk?

"Matt, spit it out." Mello grabbed his arm and pulled him into the room.

"Near said-"

"I don't _care_ about whatever Near said!" Mello exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Mello no, I just needed your opinion on this. Near thinks that L is trying to kill me!" Mello uncrossed his arm as his face changed to a somber one.

"Why did he say that?"

"Well he said that it's because L had made the taskforce believe that Mail was my real name and he wants to test if Light will kill me." Mello sighed, setting his hand on Matt's shoulder.

"Look, Near is wrong. L is doing these things because he wants to get you to try harder. See, he told you you couldn't be L then let you see your mother, to get you to want to be L. Then he wanted you to make up a good excuse on the spot about your name to test if you're a good detective. L wouldn't kill you." Mello smiled. "Don't be so insecure, Matt." The redhead looked at the ground, red with embarrassment.

"Uh… It's pretty late, I gotta go…" Matt said and ran out of the room. He ran his fingers through his hair, walking down the hall to his own room.

Lying down on his bed, over the covers, he began to think about the issues at hand.

Well, he could see both Near and Mello's side. Near _was_ number one. And thought more with his head than with emotions like Mello did. It made sense that Mello would be bias towards L. He was obsessed with being L's successor, and beating Near, so he would disagree with what he said. Then again, Matt had to have some faith in L; all of the Whammy's kids were raised to believe that he was the most fair, righteous, amazing person in the world. L _could_ just be trying to get the best out of Matt, but why would he do that anyways if he had Near and Mello; children who were almost as smart as himself? Matt closed his eyes, picturing his brother smiling; laughing; cuddling up against him at the institution. He was innocent. He was caught in the crosshairs of the war between justice and criminals. What if James truly was only there to make Matt want to become L? What if L framed Backup to make Matt want to be L?

No, nothing good comes from what ifs.

But now that he thought about it, if a Whammy's kid who was trusted enough to possibly become the next L turned out so backstabbing and crazy, how could Matt trust any other Whammy's kid? Any of them could become crazy and horrible; hell, even Matt could. With the events that happened only a few weeks ago could have turned Matt crazy if he wasn't as strong as he was.

Yeah, _right_.

Matt still felt like he could drop off of the face of the earth and be okay with it. With his brother's death and Mother's not wanting to see him…

_Mom…_

He had attempted to not think about his mother but she just crept back into his mind…

.

.

.

"Mail." He kept his mouth closed. The most important rule in the house, don't speak. "Mail, you can speak." She said. Matt took in a deep breath.

"Mom…" She tossed him a towel, and sat in front of him, watching as he hesitantly started cleaning himself.

"He's gone, he went out to drink." Matt let a small sigh escape his lips, immediately regretting his actions.

"I'm not going to hit you." Matt hadn't realized he had flinched away from her touch.

"Mom…" He put his face in his hands. "Why don't you ever help me?" He cried; but when he looked up, she was already gone.

.

.

.

His mom was a good person.

Stretching, he sat up. When had he fallen asleep? That happens too often…

Matt stood up, briefly considering staying as far away from L as he could. But, he couldn't stay away from him if he wanted to be his successor could he? But why would he try so hard for something that would be so hard to attain? A couple of weeks ago that would have been laughable… And besides, wasn't the justice system overrated? The criminals like his father wouldn't get a long enough sentence. And with Matt wanting criminals to stop completely, the government obviously wasn't making people scared enough to make them stop. Was Kira really so bad?

Matt, really? Of course Kira is horrible! He's just as low as the criminals that he kills…

Walking into the taskforce room, he saw L staring patiently at the door. Almost as if he was waiting for Matt to walk in.

_Creepy…_

"Matt go pack your things, you're leaving today." Matt scrunched his face in confusion.

_So he _was_ watching…_

"But-"

"You're not leaving alone, Matty, we're all leaving today." Mello said, draping an arm around Matt's shoulder. Mattie? Since when did Mello call him "Matty"?

"Go get your stuff." Matt sighed, and did what he was told. Why was there always such a short notice for him to leave? Maybe L wanted him to leave so that he could see if Light was going to kill him…

But why _would_ Light kill him? He wasn't of any threat to Kira…

So maybe it all _was_ just a lie, maybe Near wants him to be too scared to try to get anywhere higher than third… But why would Near of all people be afraid of that? Especially since Mello obviously isn't. Mello would beat the life out of anyone who wanted to take his spot.

Sighing, he looked out of the window next to him. The car the children were in passed by a church, which Matt stared longingly at. He honestly didn't know what religion he was. He'd never thought about it before. His parents never mentioned religion, and he never thanked a god before, he wasn't sold on any of the things said in the bible. Well, it's not like he knew what it said anyways. And with the way his life was going, he wasn't going to read the bible anytime soon.

Then, he saw a prison…

"Wait!" He exclaimed to the driver.

"Yes?" The man pulled over. Matt looked at the ground, embarrassed.

"I need to go to that prison…" He felt a hand fall on his right shoulder; looking up to see Mello eying him worriedly.

.

.

.

"Mom…" Matt mentally slapped himself. He had to be strong in front of her. Taking a deep breath he started over again.

"Mom. I'm leaving today. And I'm not coming back." He loved the way his voice came out that time; strong, unwavering, and stern. It wasn't Matt, not the Matt he knew.

"I have nothing to say to you." She said to him, glaring at the wall in front of her. Matt sighed, taking another step towards the bars separating them.

"I don't know why you're acting like this, but-"

_I can't do this…_

"…goodbye." He turned on his heel and walked out of the room. Matt couldn't keep up a "strong" façade any longer than two sentences? Pathetic.

"Matt-" Mello started, but Matt blocked him out, looking at his hands. They were trembling like crazy, just like his heart.

"Mello," He started, "I-I need a cigarette."

.

.

.

A/N: Okayyyy~ I finished this chapter! I know it's bad and I _still_ took more than a week to finish it… but the next chapter is lookin' _pretty_ good! And I'm so excited I actually know exactly how I want to end part 1! (Yeah there are two parts, laddies!)

Carottal: Well, I didn't realize I had made him so bipolar in the last chapter 'till I read that part again. But now I'll make _doubly sure_ I don't do that again, mmkay? :D thanks for pointin' that out. Also, I tend to make chapters sadder, like his state of mind, but then I'll realize that he's supposed to want to be L's successor and then I'll just change his mind in like two seconds… I need to fix that, I'll try harder! But, all in all, thanks for the advice! :3

Take my hand by Cady Groves describes the relationship between Matt and James so perfectly :,)


	6. Second?

A/N: The song "Miss Y" by Marina and the Diamonds is suggested listening for this

Halle had become almost like a real mother to Matt, visiting him every week for the next four months. Every time she would ask him in that caring, sweet voice if he was doing alright and what he was up to.

And boy was he up to stuff…

Well, not exactly, he had been trying to surpass Mello, but hadn't exactly gotten very far; you see, Mello was second smartest of an orphanage full of geniuses for a reason. Matt shouldn't expect him to be easy to pass… but he could still hope.

Every time the places were posted on the smart board, Matt was at least ten points away from Mello. And Mello was under five away from Near…

And speaking of Mello, they hadn't talked since they came back from Japan, so, obviously Mello only hung around him because he hated Near so much. It kind of hurt; Matt hadn't ever had a friend, and Mello was as close to one as he could get. Well, even though he could snap at the mention of Near's name and had beat up on Matt a little bit, he was the only person who'd even shown Matt attention (Other than his brother of course.) And Matt unwittingly treasured that relationship. Matt_ could_ just start a conversation with someone himself, but that was not something he was familiar with. He didn't know how to strike up a conversation, much less keep one going…

"Matt, can you tell me if this equation is a function or not?" Matt looked at the equation on the bored and cursed himself mentally for zoning out in the middle of class.

"Yes." He sighed softly, looking down at the paper in front of him. He was going to have to pay more attention if he wanted to pass Mello…

.

.

.

He knew he had done well on his test, he _must_ have. Studying the night before had caused him to be extremely tired, but he was certain all of the things he had learned in class was etched in his head. Pacing back and forth in his room had become a habit of his, one that Halle repeatedly told him to quit. (Though she told him to stop smoking as well, but that wasn't important.) Matt counted the steps he made to each wall before turning back around, making the same amount of steps to the opposite wall, then criss-crossed to the adjacent wall. And then repeating, making sure to cover the same amount of space on each part of the floor.

The sound of children racing towards the room signaled Matt's time to leave. He opened the door slowly, waiting to see if anybody was still in the hallway, and walked out. The walk to the room with the Smartboard was only a few seconds, and there wasn't much commotion even though he could clearly see Mello seething in anger.

_Why-_

Mello turned around slowly and gave him a death glare. Then walked past him, bumping his shoulder purposefully and nearly knocking Matt off balance. The redhead watched Mello's back briskly walk around the corner before turning back to the board.

_What_?

Matt was one point away from beating Mello…

Yes! He was so close! Even though that bump scared him a little, he was sure he could take whatever Mello threw at him. All of that hard work was finally paying off!

"Look, the ginger almost passed that blonde divvy this time!" Some boy called. Matt winced; he'd never been called a ginger before… It didn't hurt his happiness, though. He was momentarily on a high he couldn't be taken down from. If he beat Mello and Near how would he feel then? Matt could feel the butterflies in his stomach in anticipation of winning. Maybe, maybe if he became L he wouldn't be… like he is anymore. Maybe if he became L he would get a backbone…

.

.

.

"Jimmy! What happened to you! The teacher exclaimed. The boy in question attempted to push his enormous cowlick down to his bruised eye.

_Holy shit…_

That was the kid who called Mello a divvy- Wait wait wait.

_That was the one who called Mello a divvy_.

_Did-did Mello-_

Matt froze, wide-eyed in his seat, not daring to glance in the direction of the blonde. Jimmy was trying desperately to pull his low cut red t-shirt above a prominent bruise on his lower jaw. The teacher looked at him worriedly before sighing.

"Go to your seat Neutron." She said. It was almost surprising to see the teacher not do anything about Jimmy getting beat up by Mello; weren't they supposed to take care of the children? Matt let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding in, looked down at his paper and circled random answers for the rest of the questions. Standing up briskly, he handed the teacher the packet. He could feel the eyes on him as he sat back down; to others it must have looked as though he was finishing early because he was smart, but, he sighed, he was… afraid. Matt didn't want to end up like Jimmy. If that kid got punched multiple times just for calling Mello a divvy, what would he do to Matt? Matt winced, just thinking about all of the punches and broken bones he would receive-

_What about James_..?

The redhead thought reluctantly about all the time he spent holding his brother and running his fingers through his soft, crimson hair and instantly felt regret for his moment of weakness. He almost wanted to walk up to the teacher and take the paper back; though, he knew he couldn't do that. Whether it was allowed or not, he didn't have enough guts to embarrass himself by doing that. Imagine the scrutiny of the other children as he did that. Matt wanted to stand up, he wanted to walk up there, at least raise his hand to ask… but all he could manage was trembling and a slight jerk in his right leg.

_Why…_

Matt wanted to slap himself. He was always so weak. Why couldn't he break that…? How could he?

.

.

.

Why didn't Matt play video games much anymore? He had asked himself this question many times over the course of the next week. It was almost as if he had forgotten about the little orange ninja inside the screen; which only months before he would have been his entire life. Sighing at his GameBoy from the stack of papers spread along his desk, he put his pencil down. He wasn't going to play his game, but he could spare a break just to stare at it longingly, right? Matt could almost _feel_ his fingers running from button to button; almost _see_ Link thrashing his sword across the screen; almost _hear_ the Luigi's mansion theme song playing in his head.

But that's not who he is. He is not a gamer who plays until five in the morning; he is not a redhead who doesn't care about the world. He's going to be L's successor.

But those games looked so tempting…

Standing up slowly, he moved towards the console, and, grasping it hesitantly, tossed it into the drawer in his bedside table just as someone knocked on the door. Matt smiled, he knew who it was. Opening the door wide, he grinned at Halle.

"Matt, how is school?" She asked, seating herself on the edge of his bed. Matt gave a small smile.

"It's fine." He said, shaking his head. He didn't tell her any of his internal dialogue. He never did. When Halle came, he only talked about happy things, tried to appease her. Matt wanted to make Halle happy. He wanted to make her… proud. Yes, he could admit it. He wanted to make her proud. Halle saw him at such a weak time (like any other) and he wanted her to see him get stronger… he wanted someone to know he could _get_ stronger.

"Did anything happen today?" She wondered worriedly. Matt cursed internally. She had mother's intuition too, huh?

"I just, well…" He stuttered. "I think I have a crush on someone…" Matt almost let out a relieved sigh when he saw her worry drop and get replaced by a knowing smirk.

"Who is she?" She questioned. Matt dropped his head in thought. He had never thought about anyone as cute before. Never thought of anyone as anything… Matt had always been a recluse, never wanting to be around anyone and nobody wanting to be around him…

"Except Mello…" Matt looked up immediately. Halle's face contorted in confusion.

"Is that the young blonde boy?" She questioned. Matt couldn't take his eyes off of Halle as he sputtered nonsense.

"Matt..." She pulled him into an embrace. "I don't mind if you're… like that…" She said awkwardly. The redhead continued to stutter, not seeming to be able to get the words out, as Halle patted his back warmly. When he finally stopped stuttering she pulled away and smiled brightly at him.

"So, what is it you like about him?"

.

.

.

Matt wanted to take it back. He wished he hadn't chickened out at the thought of Mello beating him up, but he did. And there was no stopping it now, as he stared up at the board. His grade, it wasn't possible. He couldn't have gotten a one-hundred on that test. He couldn't be that lucky to get all of the answers right when he guessed. Matt looked away from the board, sighing. He was still one point away from Mello, but… how? He should be in at most fifth-

"Hey," Someone drawled in his ear. Matt spun on his heel as fast as he could to see a black-clad blonde behind him. The boy grabbed Matt's shoulder roughly, nailing him to the ground, and then leaned forward to his ear. "You should stop that…now." He whispered sharply. The blonde let go and turned away briskly. Matt stood there for a minute, watching Mello's figure turn behind a wall, then moved to speed-walk into an opposite hallway. Why would Mello do that? Mello would always make a scene…

_Must be to keep up his image_…

Yes, he must have been quiet like that because he didn't want anybody to know he was threatening him… But was that even a threat? He never said he was going to hurt Matt if he didn't stop; but he hurt that kid for calling him a divvy… though, maybe he won't hurt Matt because he's his friend? No, he didn't have a problem with hurting him in the taskforce room… what about Near? He hadn't gotten Near to be scared of him, Matt can't even recall a time when he's seen a bruise adorning the pale skin…

Then again, when he got to the orphanage Near was already first and Mello was already second…

But that's not important, what's important is that there's obviously a mistake here. Somebody must've graded the quiz wrong. Matt smiled in relief as he saw his Social Studies teacher in the hallway talking to another teacher. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to walk towards her slowly.

Wringing his hands together, he wandered up to the teacher.

"Hello, Matt!" She exclaimed, too happily. "What seems to be the problem?" She questioned, wearing a worried expression. Matt looked at the ground, he didn't want her to see how red his face was.

"Well, can I, um, get my test from last Monday back?" He mumbled. She must've heard him, because she went back into the classroom and came back moments later with a packet. Before his hands could grasp it, she pulled it away.

"Promise me you'll go out and play more often." She said with a huge smile plastered on her face. Matt grimaced, but nodded anyway. The teacher giggled and handed him the packet. He took it and speed-walked to his room. He hated teachers, he hated adults. Generally, he was afraid of them. Matt didn't want to make a wrong move in front of them or say the wrong thing. He just didn't want to be around them, or children for that matter. Sitting down at his desk, he forced the thoughts out of his mind and started working on the packet.

"I _know_ John White didn't have two children!" He exclaimed in frustration. He flipped the packet closed and sighed heavily, leaning his head against the desk. He had gone over his answers four times and there was no way he had gotten every answer right…

Sighing, he stood up and stalked out to the library luckily just across the hall. Grabbing all seventeen of the books the library had to offer about Indians, and giving the librarian his card, he briefly passed by the windows, glancing out to see a tuff of blonde hair pass by the black-top. Matt stopped walking and turned fully to face the window. Mello had his back turned to the window, thankfully, though his laugh carried through the thin windows, reaching Matt's ear. Mello kicked a ball coming towards his goal and sent it soaring down to the other side of the court.

"Mello!" A muffled whine caused Matt to crack a small smile. And Mello's bubbly laugh in response turning it into a full blown grin. Matt looked down, suddenly getting a tingly feeling in his stomach. He knew what it was and turned away from the window briskly, walking back down the hallway to his room. He knew the feeling he was getting and dreaded feeling the full blown effects later that night. But for now, he was going to focus on his test.

Sitting his things on the small desk in his room, he began to look up each question in the books once, twice, thrice, until he couldn't take it anymore and groaned loudly, slamming his head on the desk in front of him, immediately regretting his actions. He knew he was going to immensely regret that the next day…

"What is going on?" He whined, standing up. Was there anything else he could do to see what was happening? He _could_ see Roger in the morning but he didn't want to wait. Matt was curious, he wanted to know if it was only an innocent mistake or not…

_Maybe_…

L _did_ say he thought Matt could be good at electronics…

The redhead tiptoed out of the room and closed the door as silently as he could. Matt had been looking the test questions up for at least six hours, it was past time for the children to be in bed…

He crept into Roger's office and let out a sigh of relief realizing the man must've gone to bed. Matt wheeled the chair away silently and crouched in front of the desk top. He pushed the power button on the back of the screen and nearly fell back as a loud buzzing sounded. Matt shoved his hands over the speakers and prayed nobody heard it. After a few minutes of silent waiting, no footsteps, the computer stopped booting up and asked for a password. Matt paled, typing in the letter L.

It didn't take it. Matt sighed irritated and opened the drawers on the desk. There was nothing in there but student files.

_Student files?_

Maybe he wouldn't have to go through the computer! Matt went through the alphabet, finding his, and ripped it out.

**Matt**

**Mail Jeevas**

**Height: 5'3**

**Weight: 85 Lbs**

**Strength: Highest grade in Social Studies**

**Weakness: Language arts**

**Blood Type: O**

Matt glared at the paper. It didn't tell him anything about the test like he thought it would. Looking back up at the computer with a sigh, he stared at the screen. A hint for the password had come up.

**Paint**

The redhead stood up, glaring at the screen, and moved towards a painting in the wall, poking it with his pointer finger. He then gently lifted it up and turned it around. Sure enough, there was a small piece of paper taped to the back.

**HOROBOD**

Why would Roger make it so easy to find the password? Wasn't he trying to keep children out of his computer? Maybe he _wanted_ a kid to get in…

The password worked.

Matt sighed in relief as the desktop came up, there were two applications on it, one for e-mails, and one for students. Matt clicked on the one for students and scrolled through the names as fast as he could. When he finally found himself, he clicked on the schoolwork button, opening up a tab in the internet.

**Social Studies:**

**Test: 37**

**Notes: Add seventy-three points to the grade.**

Matt looked wide-eyed at the note. He had thought it was only a mistake. An honest mistake, but, was he getting a high score on purpose? Matt scrolled down to the other tests he's taken.

**Math:**

**Test: 93**

**Notes: Add five points to the grade.**

**Science:**

**Test: 89**

**Notes: Add nine points to the grade.**

Matt exited out of the tab and shut the computer off in a haze. He couldn't comprehend what it all meant. He'd been getting good grades just because Roger was making him? All of his hard work was actually nothing? Matt shook his head as he left the room. It couldn't be… Matt _was_ getting those grades…

What the hell is going on?

.

.

.

Matt stared up at the board in disbelief. He was a point above Mello. _A point above Mello._ He had failed all of the tests after finding out about the faulty grades; he put almost every answer wrong and _still_ he beat Mello. But_ why_? _Why_ would Roger fake his grades? Why would-

"Hey, we need to talk." Someone said sharply. Matt instantly paled at the words he knew came from the black-clad blonde, debating on running away. Though, he knew he wouldn't make it far. He also didn't want to seem weak in front of his peers, who, by the way, were making a circle around the two, but damnit he didn't want his face to be broken!

He must've taken too long to answer because Mello grabbed his arm roughly, pulling him into the hallway, then into the boys' bathroom, shoving him into the wall next to the sinks. Matt winced, hitting his head as Mello did it once more.

"Mello, you don't understand!" Matt exclaimed, putting his hands up to guard his face from the incoming fist.

_This can't be happening…_

Matt's defense fell as Mello grabbed the back of his head, slamming it into the porcelain sink top.

This was _very_ real.

He could feel a watery substance fall down his chin, realizing it must have been blood; he unconsciously closed his eyes, detaching from reality.

Mello was not shoving him onto the ground and sitting on him; his father was. Mello wasn't bringing his fist down on Matt's face relentlessly; Matt's father was getting in position.

"Papa, no!" He screamed. His dad hesitated, staring down at him with wide eyes. Father had never stopped before when Matt yelled, was he finally getting better? Was he finally getting some sense that Matt was his son? Matt raised his naked arms to his face, bumping something on the way, his goggles…

_James' goggles?_

Matt gasped as Mello came into view. His father wasn't there, Mello was. With an expression somewhere between confused and worried.

_Worried?_

Matt almost wanted to laugh at that, but that would be an extremely bad move considering the situation he was in.

Mello looked down and suddenly got off of Matt, running out of the room. Matt watched, opening his mouth but nearly choking on blood. He held his breath until the spectators left without a word to him, and then sat up slowly, spitting the blood out of his mouth. He didn't have the strength to move his legs or arms to stand up. He just lied back down on the bloody ground, not daring to look in the mirror. Is this how James felt when he was getting killed?

No, James went through much more.

Matt felt the tears overflow at the thought of James' death. He wished James was still there. He wished his mother loved him. He wished his father loved him. He wished he had a good family. He wished he wasn't at the orphanage.

But for now, he'll have to lie in a pile of blood and tears.

A/N: I feel kind of bad for doing this to Matt, but I've had the whole "Mello beats Matt up" idea ever since I started on chappie one

jdsnape: Thanks! And, I don't knowwww~ :P

Not-Gonna-Update: It is isn't it? D'awww Matt's just so adorable! And aye I feel you. I read like half of Death Note in the summer break, (I liked L) then in December I started reading the rest of it and I've been in love with Mello and Matt ever since

Guest: If you're even still reading this, thanks XD

Ryukfan101: Ayeee Joshua, nice name. Did you see the little nod to Zack there?BTW I updated, you happy? B)


	7. First

Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note and don't own Golden Corral and didn't own Jimmy Neutron in the last chapter.

The Living Dead by Marina and the Diamonds is the perfect song for this chapter :')

Look, I read about half of this chapter before I decided I was too tired and just posted it anyways… I feel like I'm going to miss something big :/ And I added in the whole "hallucination" thing I don't even know what to call it because it's not a flashback (obviously) where he's thinking about a happy family like right before I decided to go to sleep so I'm sorry if it doesn't fit or doesn't make sense or whatever. Gahh bye I have to sleep now before I die.

Carottal: Gahh! Sorry I wasn't clear enough about the whole tingling feeling when he was watching Mello *.*** I meant that when you get sad, you get a tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach…** XD and the random scene with Halle and Matt was just a little thing I wanted to put in there because I thought it was funny. I don't plan on there being any Romance at Whammy's.

KyeAbove: Thanks :D (I also realized I spelled your name wrong in chapter 5… sorry 'bout that! XD)

jdsnape&Not-Gonna-Update: _That is what I intended to do. _

Matt couldn't look at himself in the mirror. He couldn't bear to see his injuries. Though he imagined he looked bad, he couldn't bring himself to know just how much. After a long shower, the blood had been cleaned off, but he didn't feel clean. He could still feel his father's- Mello's hands on him, and he couldn't help but wonder-

_Why_?

Why wouldn't Mello let him explain? Why would Mello hurt him so much? Why did his father? Why didn't his mother ever stop him? Why did his brother die? Why didn't anybody care about him? Why was he even-

"Matt." Halle snapped. He glanced up surprised, then quickly continued staring at the ground. Halle sighed, then reached her hand up to rest on his cheek.

"I'm leaving to go to America… I won't see you anymore." Matt gaped at her. She was leaving too? After everything… after everything that happened to him, now she wanted to leave him without anybody. She wanted him to be alone?

What kind of mother would do that?

"Wh-why?" He questioned, wiping the wetness away from his bruised eye.

"Matt, I am being transferred to the American FBI. But, I'm worried about you, I don't _want_ to go but-"

"Then don't!" He exclaimed, hoarsely. She sighed, looking at the ground.

"You know I can't stay… It's my job." Matt pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. She couldn't do that. She couldn't leave. She couldn't leave him alone. She couldn't.

_Please…_

"Halle… you can't!" She looked at him worriedly before pressing a kiss to his forehead, then turning to the door. Hesitating, she slowly opened the door, then, looking back at him briefly, she said:

"I promise I'll see you again Matt…"

When Halle left the room closing the door softly behind her, Matt couldn't help but wonder why everything in his life was sour. Why nobody cared enough to stay by him…

Was he just not good enough?

Rolling onto his side, he moved the blanket numbly over his body. It would probably be a while before he fell asleep, closing his eyes, he felt the tingling feeling starting in his stomach and traveling up to his throat. It was an almost suffocating feeling, causing him to breathe rapidly as his heart beat against his chest.

He wasn't good enough… he wasn't good enough to be L, he wasn't good enough to be loved by his own parents, he was never good enough for anything. Was he dealt a bad hand at life, or was this all just what he deserved? Maybe he was put on this earth solely for the purpose of showing everyone just how shitty life could be…

Was this a god giving him a sign? But… what kind of sign could this be? A sign it was his turn to die? There must not be a god out there, because if there was he was certainly being used as a pawn to his fun and games. Did god want to see how far he could stretch before breaking? Matt briefly wondered how the people at Whammy's would react before shoving the idea out of his head.

What was even the point anymore?

.

.

.

He was sure people could tell. Though he didn't care, it still felt strange when someone would try to talk to him-which were rare anyways-and he would reply in the shortest possible way. It was as if he had taken on traits of Near: no smiling, monotonous voice, and general dead while alive attitude. He supposed, it was worse than Near though. Matt didn't try anymore, he sat in class, staring up at the front of the room as though he was paying attention, when really, he was thinking about his life, or lack thereof. He didn't try on the tests, and was still steadily climbing the rank. He didn't even play his video games anymore, just sat in his room at night and… just sat there… he didn't do much of anything anymore.

There was nothing for him to do anymore. He wasn't worth it. Nothing was. Why was he even there? He hated what was happening, he didn't _want_ to take Mello or Near's spot anymore. He wanted to just disappear...

Not like it mattered. It was only Matt. Matt wasn't important. Not once in his life had he ever made an impact on anybody, never had he been anything worth affection or respect-

Glaring at the door, he awaited the noise to happen once again. And it did, merely seconds later. He begrudgingly pulled himself from his spot from the bed and to the door.

"Matt," said Linda, frowning, "what's up with you?" She questioned, crossing her arms. Matt turned away from her, sighing, and back to his bed, falling back down on it, then staring at the ceiling.

"Matt." She said sternly, crawling on the bed after him. "Matt, seriously, I need to know what's wrong with you! I'm worried about you… you act like you don't exist, like a robot. And your eyes look… dead… I don't want you to turn out like… like them."

Matt raised his head up the bed to peer at Linda.

"Them?"

"You know…" She tilted her head to the bed, covering her eyes with her bangs. "I used to be good friends with Near… and then he started getting into the 'L's successor' thing…I had to watch this happen to Near. I don't want to watch it happen to you!" She was moving her head frantically as she talked, getting louder with each word. "Near used to smile, he used to laugh, but he just turned antisocial because of this whole rating system! He changed and I don't want to see another one of my friends turn into _that!_" She yelled, tears flowing freely onto his bed. She sniffled, finally looking up to meet Matt's eyes.

_Friend..?_

She considered him her friend? Was he worthy of that?

"Matt…" she drifted off, wiping the tears from her eyes. She stared at him a while, then leaned forward and before he knew it she had her lips on his. His eyes widened.

"_Dad! Please!" He screamed. It hurt so much. As though a knife was being jammed against his insides. Why did this happen to him? Couldn't his father release his sexual frustration on his wife? No, what kind of son would wish that upon his mother?_

"_Matt!" His father yelled. "Oh my god Matt, what's happening?" He then let out an unusually feminine scream._

"_Dad stop! It hurts!" He yelled. His father suddenly let go, instead hovering over him. Matt scrambled to the wall on the other side of the room, but his father was slowly inching towards him. He lifted his shaking hands up to protect his face from the beating that was sure to come._

"_Matt, you're okay. You're okay." He repeated. But Matt didn't dare open his eyes until a hand rested itself on his forearm. He let out a lung breaking scream as the light from his room dimmed out._

_Why did he call him Matt…?_

_._

_._

_._

_His mother smiled, giggling at Matt before turning around in her seat to play hit him. He laughed, batting away the offending arms. His father's voice chimed for them to cut it out in between laughs. His mother responded with a kiss to his father's cheek, Matt smiled; they really were the best parents ever weren't they? He was so glad god had given him them. The car stopped as they found themselves at their Presbyterian church. This Sunday was special. It was James' birthday, and he wanted to celebrate by going to the church then eating at Golden Corral afterwards. He knew what he was going to pray about today. He was going to pray for his amazing family…_

"Matt…" A voice drifted off. "I'm sorry…" Matt choked on air at the words and opened his eyes, sat up slightly and violently coughed. Looking up, he saw exactly who he expected least to see.

"M-Mello…" He drifted off, flinching instinctively when the blonde reached out his hand to rest on Matt's shoulder.

"Matt… look. You obviously heard what I said, and I'm not going to repeat it. But you seriously-"

"It wasn't true!" He exclaimed. Mello cocked his head, raising an eyebrow. "The grades, they aren't true. They're fake, they're faking my scores!" He rushed out, afraid of a lashing from Mello.

"Wh-what?" He asked, bewildered. Mello frowned at him. "Is this just another one of your hallucinations?" For a second, Matt allowed himself to be flattered at the thought that Mello thought he was smart enough to be close to number one, but quickly realized what Mello had actually said.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, eying the glass of water next to the infirmary bed, wondering if it was his. Should he take it to rinse his parched throat?

"You don't know?" He questioned, amused. "Linda said she tried to grab your arm and you started screaming about your father and spazzing out." Matt sighed; of course she would lie about trying to kiss him…

"But I'm going to assume she tried to advance on you and you were reminded of your father." He stated, smugly.

_I would rather you don't just say it like that…_

Matt looked at the door out of the infirmary, wishing he could just run away. He didn't want anybody's company. Especially that of the one who had beaten him weeks before and gave a half-assed apology.

"Look, Matt-"

"Matt!" Someone exclaimed from the door. Mello grimaced, already on his way out.

"I'll come back later about the whole test thing, okay?" He didn't wait for an answer though, just walking out of the room.

"Matt are you okay?" Asked Linda, running over to the bed. In all honesty he didn't know why he was even in the infirmary. There were no injuries…

"Matt! _Are. You. Okay?_" Matt sighed. It was going to be a long day.

.

.

.

"Matt." Someone shook his shoulders. He slowly opened his eyes, holding back a sigh as he realized who it was.

"What is it Mello?" He questioned. Mello put his hand behind Matt's back, forcing him to sit upright in the bed.

"Don't you remember, idiot? You're going to show me what you were talking about with the 'fake test'." Matt nearly slapped himself on the forehead, of course. Was he really that stupid that he would forget? That's probably why he doesn't have the ability to legitimately be number one…

"Yeah…" He slid out of the bed and towards the door.

"It's in Roger's office, on his computer." Mello looked at him incredulously.

"You _broke into_ Roger's office?" He asked.

"Well, it's a long story…" He said, turning onto the hallway where the office was.

"Doesn't he have a passcode on his computer?"

"Well, yeah, but it's really easy to get…" He opened the door and walked inside with Mello following close behind. He then walked over to the painting and lifted it up.

"What are you doing..?" Matt glanced over at him, pointing to the computer. Mello got the hint and turned it on, shock covering his face as the computer erupted with a buzzing noise.

_Shit_…

He had forgotten about that…

Oh well.

"It's HOROBOD in all caps." Mello nodded and typed the password in.

"What do I click on?" Matt stalked over to Mello, veering over his shoulder at the desktop. Grabbing the mouse gently from Mello's fingers, he clicked on students and scrolled down to his name.

"…Holy shit…" Mello whispered, taking the mouse away from Matt and scrolling farther down. He stopped at his own name, and sighed, looking at the keyboard.

**Social Studies:**

**Test: 100**

**Notes:**

**Math:**

**Test: 100**

**Notes:**

**Science:**

**Test: 99**

**Notes:**

"This is… this is bullshit!" Mello suddenly exclaimed, exiting the tab. "How can they add points to _your_ grade and not _mine_?!" He turned to Matt.

"It's not my fault-"

"How do I know you aren't adding those points yourself?" Matt stepped back from Mello. He almost wanted to explain to Mello that anyone who only added points to their grade was surely utterly stupid, but any words in this situation could only make things worse…

"Why would they even do that? I don't understand…" He drifted off. Matt looked towards the door, noticing this Mello sighed.

"Look, let's go. But," he took a step towards Matt, holding out his hand, "we're good now…" Matt stared down at his hand, wondering why he was trying so hard to make up with Matt when it was obviously so hard for him. The redhead hesitantly reached out his hand and grasped Mello's.

.

.

.

Matt ran a hand through his hair, watching the other children play football from the library. He wanted desperately to go out there and join them, but he was too afraid. He simply _could not_ go out there. It was the same feeling he had gotten after turning in his wrongly answered test. He wouldn't be able to take the scrutiny of going out there himself, he wanted someone to come and ask him to play, but he couldn't do it himself.

"Matt, come into my room." A voice said. Matt looked up from the window to see Roger, eyes heavy with sadness. Matt nodded walking over to follow the man into the room. Near was already waiting in there with a large puzzle at his feet. Roger went to sit at the chair behind his desk as Matt stood beside Near.

"Wh-What is it?" He asked hesitantly.

"L is dead." Matt gaped at Roger. He couldn't be dead… the man they aspired to be died… the man of justice? How could someone so great be dead?

"Wh-what?" He stuttered. There was no way that L could be dead!

"It was Kira." Near deadpanned. Roger sighed.

"Most likely." Near turned his puzzle over so the pieces fell out onto the floor.

"If you can't beat the game, if you can't solve the puzzle, you're nothing but a loser." He said. Matt stared at him for a second then averted his eyes. It was still unbelievable to him. The one person everyone in the orphanage looked up to was killed by Kira. Just another criminal…

"Wh-which one of us did he choose..?" He questioned. He knew it would be Near… he just wanted to speed it along so he could get out of there faster.

"He chose… Matt…"


	8. Zero

A/N: Good news & bad news.

Bad: I told my mom something very personal & important this weekend, she didn't take it well. Then a whole bunch of other crap happened that has just brought me down… .-.

Good: When I get sad I live in my head… so that means I will ber thinking about anime literally 24/7, so I'll be thinking about this story 24/7. So I'll probably come out with chapters faster. *Sigh* I would tell my soul to this damn authors note if Joshua wasn't reading it…

Padfoot the epic GLOWSTICK: hahahaha I like your name. And thanks

jdsnape: Aha, well I tried to clear it up XD sometimes I forget to clear stuff up in the same chapter… habits I guess :D

How is this possible? There's no way. Near was the one meant for being L. Though a few weeks ago he would've jumped at the chance to avenge his brother and become L, he knew it wasn't right. Why did they want his grades up so high? What were they playing?

But right now, he has something else to deal with. Such as:

Was it better to tell Mello, or should he just let him find out on his own? He would realize it was all a mistake wouldn't he? Or would he be mad anyways? The latter seemed more like him… Deciding to take his chances, he stalked over to the blonde's room. Raising his fist up, he hesitated. He could get severely injured, hell; Mello could even kill him if he found out. Maybe if he handled it the right way- Like there is a right way…

One

Two

Three

Matt shut his eyes and knocked before he had time to think about what he was doing.

Nobody answered.

He waited for a few seconds before twisting the doorknob and hesitantly opening it.

"Mello..?" The boy in question was sitting on the edge of his bed, his bangs covering his face partially.

"Mello I-"

"I know." He said, tilting his head up slightly as though he hadn't known Matt was there in the first place. "I know they chose you to be the next L…" He drifted off, hiding his face in his hands. Matt hadn't expected this. He thought Mello would be either homicidal, angry or… well that's all it could've been. But not this. Not this sad, weak, defenseless Mello… What could've caused Mello to only break at the mention of L? Why was it so important?

What was even the point in being L? L only catches criminals and hands them over to the legal system. The legal system is hardly justice, though. A person could get only a life sentence or less in prison for killing another person. How is that fair? Ruining so many people's lives and you still get to keep yours in a prison where you get treated as though you're at a hotel.

Like his father.

He molested and beat his sons, and would only get ten to fifteen years in prison.

But Wammy's kids were taught that ones death was not in another's hands. Yet, it was okay to sacrifice somebody to save another?

Matt shook the thought out of his mind and took a hesitant step towards Mello.

"Mello, you know it's not-"

"No, Matt." He said, looking up. "I just… I try and try and try so much, but it doesn't matter. They just don't care. I… I don't know what they're doing but-but I know it's _not_ good."

"What-"

"I just used to have so much faith in the system- in _L_, but I just don't know anymore. They're up to something. Maybe Near's right, I just don't see how they could choose you. They can't just bump up your grades. They just _can't!_" Matt looked to the ground. "Everybody knows Near's smarter and more suited! He- he's like a damn replica of L for god's sake!" The blonde stood up and walked over to Matt.

"I'm leaving. I can't stay here." Matt's eyes widened.

"What?"

"I can't just sit here and stare the new L in the face. No matter how much of a screwed way they got it. I just can't."

"But-"

"Matt. You're weak."

_What..?_

Matt flinched at Mello's words as the blonde brushed past him and out of the door. They were true, weren't they? Matt was a coward. He couldn't stand up to anybody. Is that why everybody left him? Because he was a coward? He caused everybody to leave with how much of a child he was. Weren't orphans supposed to mature faster than normal kids? Weren't they supposed to be stronger than normal kids? He must just be the odd one out… Mello was strong. Near was strong. Why couldn't he be more like them? Matt stared at the spot Mello previously inhibited, until he couldn't feel his feet anymore. He then went to his room and to sleep.

There was a small search for Mello the next day. It was only around the orphanage. It didn't last for very long either, seeing as any orphan who left this particular orphanage should be smart enough to take care of themselves. Though, that didn't mean they didn't have a _very_ long talk with the students about leaving. Why would anybody want to leave the orphanage? It was their shelter, their food, their school… what more could they want?

The ironic thing was that Near left that exact night.

Then Roger told Matt to pack his things. They were flying to Japan.

In Roger's haste to leave Wammy's, he ended up booking tickets for a flight that had a night layover in Bulgaria, where they were forced to share a hotel room. It was strange for Matt, even though he knew there was no reason to be afraid of Roger, he still felt weary… Damn his father. Making him afraid of his _real_ protector, or just any other man in general…

Matt sighed, falling back on his twin bed and changing the channel to the news, where a reporter with huge hair appeared on the screen.

"Thanks Jim. Now about the report we got just a few hours ago from L, saying to not show any faces or names of the criminals on T.V. anymore."

"Like that would stop-"

What? A few hours ago?

"Roger!" He called. To which the man immediately came out of the bathroom. "Did you tell people to stop putting criminals on the news?" Roger looked at him confused, before shaking his head slowly.

"Maybe… we shouldn't go to the taskforce…"

Matt nodded and pulled the covers over his head, attempting to ease the fear of another man in the same room as him. He wanted to erase that fear, to create a sense of warmness, but no matter how many times he told himself Roger wasn't a pedophile, he couldn't help but feel as though the man could creep into his bed. It was shiver-worthy, but he couldn't stop himself from almost feeling Roger's hands on him. He turned around, making his back face Roger's bed, and closed his eyes. It didn't help much. Just the thought that he could be so vulnerable then… that at any given moment he could be attacked and not protect himself. It was painful to think about.

Thinking…

Every time Matt thought, he thought about something depressing. Why? He needed a distraction. When he thought he was legitimately getting those grades, he was distracted, and didn't think much. When he played video games, he was distracted, and didn't think as much. When he was around Mello… he didn't think as much.

What if he had stopped his grades from being raised? Would Mello still like him? What if his father didn't hurt him? Would his mother love him? He sighed softly.

_If you live with what ifs throughout your life, you'll never get anything done…_

Still, he couldn't help but wonder what was so wrong with him that made everyone leave so easily…

.

.

.

Matt twisted the object around his hand, wondering if it was too blunt to cut. The old razor felt rusted and flat on the edge, but it was still a razor. Still something that could inflict pain. Would it hurt? If he dragged it across his pale skin, would the pain be too much? Matt never liked pain, but wasn't that the point of cutting yourself? At least that's what he heard. That the pain of cutting yourself released the pain of the outside world. He lied back in his bed and put the edge of the razor to his wrist. What if the blood was too much to take? What if it just made everything worse? And how was he going to cover everything up? What if somebody saw?

Did it really matter if they did?

Deciding his answer, Matt dragged it horizontally across his wrist, but only a small line appeared. No blood. Wasn't it supposed to bleed? He sighed and pressed harder on the razor, pulling it back across. This time, a small bead of blood collected at one edge of the cut, slowly trickling down his arm once it was large enough. Then, Matt could see the skin pulling apart, causing more blood to fall free. He sat up straight and moved his arm to stop the blood from running down his arm. It started collecting at the palm of his hand, and down to his fingers. It was mesmerizing, to be able to see a piece of you falling free from the pain. It was a hope that if a small part of you could be free from pain, maybe the rest of you could. It barely stung, the light feeling in his chest overtaking any pain that could have been there. Matt stood up, walking over to the bathroom connected to his room, and turning the faucet on. He hesitantly stuck his wrist into the water and watched the red mix with the water to create pink. Not caring how high the orphanage's water bill could go, he let his hand stay under the water for several minutes, until the wound had stopped bleeding. Then, he carefully dried it off, not wanting the wound to break open again.

Looking up in the mirror, he saw the messy red hair, pale skin, and bright green eyes adorning his face, they were nothing like he had seen before. Nobody looked similar to him at all. His features could come across special, but nobody else had seen anything special about them, so they didn't matter. Him as a being didn't matter. Nobody cared about the way his eyes had little specks of blue and gold in them. Nobody cared about the way his nose buttoned at the end. If everybody else thought he didn't matter, then why was he even still there? There was no point. He could be like his blood, he could be free. But he knew he could never do it. He would always be a coward.

Sighing, he walked out of the bathroom and pulled his striped shirt back on and walked out of the door. Pulling the sleeve of his shirt down as he walked into his class.

It was going to be a long day.

.

.

.

"Matt, here's your case. You can use this laptop." Matt gripped the paper and laptop awkwardly, causing his sleeve to ride up his arm. He tilted his wrist slightly, but not nearly far enough. Lucky for him, Roger was oblivious to the things around him, and smiled at him as he turned to walk into his office. Matt faked the biggest smile he's ever done in his life and turned away quickly, nearly sprinting to his room.

Roger had said that Matt would work on other cases while he figured out what he was going to do about the task force. Matt sighed; it could and would take the old man a _long_ time to find out what to do. Though Matt wondered why they couldn't just go to the taskforce and ask what the hell they're doing, no, L has to be _stealthier_ than that. Matt sat the computer down on his bed and opened up the file. The crime was cringe-worthy.

A woman was found raped and murdered by someone in her own home. Matt took it out of the folder, then frowned at another paper behind it.

Roger forgot to take the paper that had the solved murder on it out.

Matt's eyes widened as he read the paper. The mother was raped and murdered by her own son.

Matt glared at the paper. Asphyxiation was the cause of death. She had to watch her son rape and murder her…

He sat down on the edge of his bed, running his hand through his hair. Why was the world so screwed up? And why did he have to be surrounded by it? How did L not go crazy with all of this?

Oh yeah, he was a robot.

Matt lied back on his bed, he would give Roger the paper later, he just had to sleep then.

.

.

.

When he gave Roger the paper with the murderer on it, the man didn't blink an eye, instead, giving him yet another case to work on.

This time it was about two men who robbed a bank, they just didn't know who.

Again, Roger left the solved case paper in the folder.

Matt didn't have to go to classes anymore. He was "too smart" or something. But he didn't care. He just wanted to sit around all day and let parts of him become free. After a few weeks, he had a nice collection of lines crossing his arms like a tattoo. And more and more often, he was thinking about what it would feel like if one of those lines went vertical. What if instead of it being on his wrists, they went on his neck.

_If you live with what ifs, you'll never get anything done._

Did that mean he should just do it? That he should just cut vertical and get it over with? He _could_. Then Near could be L like he should've been. Then he could be done with the pain he was feeling.

No. Every time he thought about vertical, he got shaky, and unconsciously grabbed his wrist. Coward. Coward. Coward.

Roger still wasn't getting any closer to finding out what to do about the taskforce, and Matt was only given a new case to do every day. (Though after the third or fourth one, he must've found out he was giving Matt the answers.) It was boring, but he refused to pick up his GameBoy. Every time he thought about it, he thought about his life. And if he thought about that, then his distraction wasn't working. Cutting wasn't working.

In fact, it was about time for him to free himself once again.

A/N: Welp, here's the last time you get to see Matty as a kid. So… yeahhh… I didn't reread this chapter because I really wanted to get it out tonight… sorry 'bout any mistakes…

I am starting an SNK fanfic but this one is still #1 priority! :D

P.S. Electra Heart by Marina and the Diamonds is this time frame's theme song


End file.
